Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Civic Duty

My Fellow Texans,

I voted. Fully 100% uneducated votes. If you had an "R" after your name, you did not receive my vote. If your name was Beezlebub and you had a "D" after your name--you got my vote.

Was it better not to vote or to vote uneducated? I guess it depends how you look at it. Quite honestly I could have given two shits about the state races, I was only interested in the federal ones.

I did come this close for voting for Kinky. Why? No, not because he's some aging hipster cowboy spouting a plethora of one liners and clever quips.

Because of his signs:


These are everwhere! They're eyecatching, they've got great colors and I love the way they have a newage-art-deco feel. Clean lines, crisp colors. None of that stars and stripes bullshit you see on every other yard sign. I'm really tempted to steal one.

The Mad Scientist voted a pretty straight Democrat ticket too in Michigan. He said the only Republicans he voted for were the ones on the MSU board of trustees and were all incumbents. He voted for them because they just ousted MSU's football coach John L(oser) Smith. I love my husband.

He said he got a little wistful when he went to vote and above his name on the list was mine. Sniff sniff.

I tell you what though this election make me think Canada's looking better and better.

The Mad Scientist had to show NO ID to vote. NOTHING. No voter registration. No picture ID. NADA. All he had to do was give them his name and sign it next to where it was printed on the list. Now excuse me, what's to stop someone from pretending they're you and voting?? Hell, I could have called up one of my friends in Lansing and told them to go vote in my behalf. Apparently all they'd have to know is how to spell my last name.

Plus apparently Michigan (at least Lansing) has switched from a hanging chad ballot to a scantron color the arrow ballot. He spent his whole time voting coloring in pictures of arrows. Yeah, I remember how accurate scantron tests were when I was in school. Remember the fear of god they put in you should any mark wander outside of the circle? This is probably why I bombed the SATs. (Scantron error! I was robbed!)

Here in Texas things were different. I voted at an elementary school that was bigger than my high school growing up. Yikes.

The line was about a twenty minute wait. When I got there, there must have been two precincts voting because when I got to the voting stalls after signing in, I was asked by a dude in a smock what my precinct number was. Hell if I knew!! So I told him I didn't know. He stared at me like I was some kind of freak that snuck in there to vote. Ended up all he had to do was ask Miss Thang who checked my ID and signed me in what precinct I was in. Then he did some juju magic to the electronic voting "pad" before he let me on it. I'm only assuming he set it to my precinct.

When I got to my voting stall, I was presented with an electronic "ballot" that was similar to those touchpads you see at the U-Scans at grocery checkouts. No instructions. No stylus. So I just assumed I used my fingers. Now I can't help but think how many votes will be effed up because of fat fingers. My fat finger made me check the box for this putz:

"Hey baby, wanna hop into my car and stroke your fingers through my perfectly coiffed hair? I swear it's real..."

So I'm sitting their panicking and trying to figure out how to uncheck the box. You would think if you touched the box again it would uncheck right? Ha! Not at first! I'm frantically pounding on the pad with my fat sausage fingers trying to uncheck the box and cussing up a storm under my breath. Meanwhile Mr. Voter Pad Reset Man who couldn't figure out why I didn't know my precinct number isn't paying any attention to me when I try to get his attention to figure out how to uncheck the box because like I said there are NO instructions given with this voting device. Mr. Voter Pad Reset Man is too busy rearranging the pens in his nifty red smock. After smacking up the ballot a bit, I finally got the box to uncheck. When I went to check the correct box--my finger AGAIN checked the box for the aforementioned windbag. Thankfully by this time I was a pro at massaging my ballot into doing what I wanted it to do.

I coaxed her along until I reached the end of the sixteen screen ballot.

As I walked away I felt fully unsatisfied. There is just something to be said for voting with a tangible ballot that's more gratifying than voting electronically. It's like comparing sex with a man to sex with a machine. It's just not the same. Not that I would know how to validate that analogy, but if you've made it this far into reading this post, I thought it might make you laugh (or possibly gag in horror).

I suppose the days of the hanging chad are gone. Thank you senior citizens of Florida for screwing the rest of us into having to vote this way. I hope you all get confused when you have to vote electronically and when your arthritic fingers make you check the wrong box your red smocked Mr. Voter Pad Reset Man ignores you too.

I know I said I'd do it today, but I'll announce winners of my blogiversary contest tomorrow. I'll have Chunky draw the random winner. He couldn't tonight because apparently waiting 20 minutes in line is exhausting when you're four years old and he just wanted to go to bed.


Blogger Elspeth said...

Me too, pretty much, although if I didn't like your profession, I chose Green instead of Democrat. Luckily we got to choose between paper and electronic ballot, and I chose paper. I probably would have voted for Kinky anyway -- I voted for Larry Flynt last time!

9:29 PM  
Blogger helen said...

yeah, when i voted in the primary and also today, there is no ID neceessary. just give your name, sign it. done. excuse me? i want the "hassle" of you checking my license, thankyouverymuch!

i had the choice of electronic or paper. the two electronic were in use, but i didn't want them anyway. paper seems more trustworthy.

9:30 PM  
Blogger janna said...

Like you, a D next to a name pretty much meant I voted for them. I signed Kinky's petition to run, but ended up not voting for him, because I knew he didn't stand a chance. However, I guess I might as well have voted for him, since Gov. Pretty Boy was re-elected.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Kaitie Tee said...

LOL - you're right it's not the same.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Kaitie Tee said...

Forgot to say that you should definitely steal one of those signs - very cool.

9:58 PM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

Hey, I had to do the color the arrow too! Last time it was color in the circles. And the time before that, the touch screen (my personal fav--maybe all that practice looking too many wedding registries)

11:49 PM  
Anonymous Kristi and Otis said...

Hubby and I voted absentee this year - how does Texas do absentee - send touchpad screens to the house - I don't get it. Has that coiffed candidate ever considered a career in porn - he a shoe in!

7:35 AM  
Blogger KnitterBunny said...

Hey Bezzie,

You won some yarn on the Dutchicans blog. Can you give me a jingle through "the internets?" Ha ha. It kills me.


10:17 AM  
Blogger Cheesy Knit Wit said...

Well, you show no ID because the law was repealed a couple of months ago because of so many people pissing and moaning about having to show ID or get an ID, about how unfair it is. You can blame them (*them* being a specific party that I didn't vote for) I voted and am always happy about doing it. Nothing really turned out the way I wanted it, but what the hell. Can't win all the time. What burns me the most is that the stem cell amendment passed in MO. I am a firm believer in not killing babies....This will bug me forever. People love to portray themselves a God fearing Christians, but then vote Yes to killing babies. BS, BS, BS I cry!

Glad you got out and voted Bezzie!

If my post is too radical, remove it. It will not hurt my feelings and my intent is not to hurt anyone else's.

10:21 AM  
Blogger T. Budnik said...

I'm laughing my ass off. It's only 11:30am, but this may be the funniest thing I'll encounter today.


10:35 AM  
Blogger DomesticOverlord said...

Steal me one of those Kinky signs too, I know just what to do with it...

11:19 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

The Kinky signs are way cool.

I voted, of course! I always vote.

I'm just happy Pombo is out of there...(CA house), I've had enough of his attempts to kill long standing environmental legislation.

Otherwise, I really do wish we could get away from 2 parties. Neither represents my views, and I'd love to see proportional government.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Starfish said...

Here in NY we have the wizard behind the curtain booth thingie painted institutional tan...you know where you click down the little levers...after you stare blankly at it for 2 full minutes to figure out what the hell you're looking at... Loved your beelzebub line..going all blue isn't too bad a theory if you've got nothing else to go on..

11:58 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I just thought you would like to know that AK's new governor is (a) a former beauty queen and (b) the former mayor of Wasilla (AKA Meth Lab Headquarters). You will also be glad to knowt hat she still has the same hair and makeup that she had in the beauty pageants of the 80's. YAY!!! BTW, I am also a small project knitter. I swear, someday, that I will knit a sweater. Maybe. Lord knows I have enough yarn...

1:28 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

We get the color the arrows here. At least there's a paper trail if the results seem fishy: something to recount, if it comes to that.

Wisconsin voted for the death penalty and for the anti-gay-marriage amendment. I'm ashamed of Wisconsin today.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Rain said...

I've just been laughing my head off at your post. What an ordeal, here it's a simple cross in a box jobbie.

5:44 AM  
Anonymous Kristin said...

If you don't get a chance to steal one of those signs, my husband has tons of bumper stickers I can send your way.

I'm with you on the paper ballot thingy. I don't trust the electronic voting. I prefer the old-fashioned voting booths with the levers that we had in NY.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I love they way you vote. "D". It's sad that you have to pick an R or a D because a Green wouldn't be so bad sometimes except it's basically a waste of a vote...a vote that could have gone to D.

Being from Florida I am highly offended by your old people slander. haha, jk. We have a bad running with politicians and politics but, King Bad Prez came from your state. ;) hehe

We should all just try to differentiate "facts" that are given to us. Ask where they are coming from. When reading about something look to see who wrote it, who funded the research, and who's going to benefit from this.

I'm glad you voted. :)

3:38 PM  
Blogger Bezzie said...

Ha ha!!! I wish I could say El Presidente Busho came from my state...but I claim NO ties whatsoever to this state. *My* state is Alaska. (Still sadly a pro-Republican state tho!)

I guess it depends how you define "my"! Ha ha!

3:52 PM  

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