Kootchie Awareness Yarn Extravaganza
Woot! Give it up y’all! (Alright fine, I’ll accept my Texas-cyber accent.)
Here it is! Just in time for Cervical Cancer Awareness Month—it’s the 411 on my Kootchie Awareness Yarn Extravaganza (KAYE)!
Please note there are no knitted labia to make, no crocheted vaginas to assemble—no knitting/crocheting whatsoever—just yarn!!
The Knitter/Crocheter/Yarn Enthusiast.
You’re person who tirelessly knits socks for Mongolians, blankets for homeless people, baby hats for preemies, scarves for orphans; or you’re the person that may not be into the charity knitting, but you still knit a scarf for your naked-necked husband or wife to keep out a cold draft; or you’re possibly even just the person that enjoys knitting for her/himself.
The underlying theme of my Kootchie Awareness Yarn Extravaganza is that we’re taking care of US for a change. Because who’s going to knit all that stuff for orphans, relatives or ourselves (yes "ourselves" sounds kind of ridiculous when asked in this question--but go with it!) if we’re not around???
I’m operating this much like a year long blog contest. Read the “How” to figure out how you get your name in the pot, but names will be randomly drawn from the pot to determine a monthly prize winner. The monthly prize winner will win yarn-y goodness.
How is this Cheapass financing this? Good question. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Don’t worry you won’t be winning a prize basket full of fun fur and Red Heart!
Starting January 1, 2008 and continuing through December 31, 2008. A monthly winner will be drawn from the monthly pool of names at the end of each month. Names will not roll over from month-to-month.
Now if you had your cooter rooted in January but forgot/didn't learn of the contest until February (or any month thereafter) you're still eligible. The month you send me your name letting me know you've had it done--that's the month you're eligible to have your name drawn.
As some of my regular blog readers know, cervical cancer is an issue near and dear to me. My sister in law was diagnosed with Stage 3 last year and luckily was able to have it removed with massive surgery and no chemo or radiation treatments.
A close coworker was diagnosed with Stage 1 cervical cancer in December and will be going in for surgery next week.
Both cases were easily preventable if they had just gone in for their yearly pap smear. But for one reason or the other they put it off until it was too late.
I also know of many people (*cough* Mom! *cough*) that haven’t been in for an annual spread n’scrape (or as my sister T. so graciously calls it--a “cooter rootin’”) in years.
Cervical cancer kills more than 3,900 women in the U.S. per year. Ok, yeah that’s not as much as your more publicized disease like breast cancer, but it’s my pet-disease and I’m going with it!! I’ve always had a soft spot for the underdog.
Right here at this blog baby! I thought about setting up a separate blog for this but since there won't be too much day-to-day excitement like say a KAL, I’ll merely post updates and winners on my regular blog.
Ho, ho! Here’s where you have to pay attention!
1. Schedule your yearly pap smear. (See Sticky Issues/FAQs if you cannot do this.)
2. Complete said pap smear.
3. As soon as you COMPLETE your exam, let me know. At this time your name will be entered into the master spreadsheet and therefore you will be in the running for winning a monthly prize. I really don't care about your results. That's your business. If you want to share, cool, but I don't want you to feel pressured to break a bunch of HIPAA rules all in the name of free yarn.
Email me your completion notification and email address to rkbezzie @ gmail . com (obviously delete the spaces).
3. Sit back, cross your fingers and hope that your name is drawn for the monthly prize.
Sticky Issues and What I’m Sure Are To Be FAQs:
Bezzie, great idea, but I’m a man/was born without a cervix/lost my cervix in the war/had my cervix removed/my real name is Ima Virgin—am I barred from entering?
Heck no! I’m all about the equal rights in the procurement of yarn! I’m just setting forth a different set of requirements for you!
If for some reason you are unable to have a pap smear I’m asking that tell SEVEN other knitters/crocheters/someone who digs the yarn about the Kootchie Awareness Yarn Extravaganza. You should email me their blog address (if they have one—not a requirement), or first name if they don’t have a blog (I won’t ask last names as a sake of privacy).
I didn’t win the first monthly prize I was eligible for—am I out of the running?
Yes, you're out of the running. You weren't last year. But due to people whining about the fairness of the old method, you're screwed this year. Sorry.
If perhaps a grand prize is offered for the end of 2008, then your name will be in the running for that.
What’s preventing me from just telling you that I had my exam/told seven people about your contest to be entered?
Wow. If you’re going to lie about this just to get a chance to win free yarn, dude, you’ve got bigger issues than cervical cancer awareness to worry about.
I get my exam every year. Is this contest just for people that haven't had one in a while?
Nope! Everyone's invited to join!
I live outside the U.S. am I eligible?
I don’t knit. Can I still enter?
Sure, as long as you don’t mind possibly winning a bunch of yarn.
I discovered this contest AFTER I had my 2008 exam done--can I still enter?
Yup! Just zing me your name in an email (see above for the address).
Bezzie, I have a question that you haven't covered in these FAQs--what do I do?
I'm sure someone will find some question to ask that I haven't answered or come up with some aspect of this that crazy scheme that I haven't thought about. I'll do my best to read your comments and post answers back in this original post.
* * *
You're under no obligation to join this crazy scheme. If you merely read this blog entry and the crazy chick in curlers blowing bubbles crosses your mind a day/week/month later when you make your appointment, then we're all winners.
It’s all about spreading the word and getting it done! That five minutes of discomfort sitting in the stirrups while someone takes the worlds most uncomfortable Q-tip to your cervix is never fun, but look at the alternative.
My sister in law could have easily left a husband with three young kids to raise on his own and my coworker could have left two kids and a grandkid.
We have to do this for ourselves. Those scarfless orphans, chilly Mongolians, and sockless Grandpa Bubbas are counting on you taking care of yourself so you can knit them more stuff!!!