Friday, July 13, 2007

We won't stop until we have underpants!

Dear Jackass Who Dropped/Left The Plastic Garbage Bag of Grass Clippings On Eagle Rock Avenue:

You owe me $330.

Because of your supreme lack of intelligence in putting your clippings in a plastic bag (Who collects grass clippings in a plastic bag? ) and your incredible negligence in letting said plastic bag make it's way into the right lane of the aforementioned avenue, you have cost me $330.


Because your mother effing bag was in the middle of the road in the middle of a torrential rainstorm and I ran over it. It then proceeded to wedge under my back right tire, locking my wheel from turning.

I have never seen so many idiot lights on my dash light up at once. It was like a Christmas tree. ABS! Low Traction!!! Service Engine Soon!!!!

Lucky for your lame ass, I was able to limp my car 500 feet to a side street, get soaked getting out of the car in the pouring rain (black bra under a light print shirt and the pouring rain--not a good idea) to assess the situation and back my car off of your damn plastic garbage bag of clippings.

I thought I was in the clear as the lights on my dash turned off and the car performed OK the rest of the way home and on the way to pick up Chunky.

But I knew there was something amiss when the next morning I went to back out of the driveway and there was a great grinding noise emanating from my back wheel.

Now I'm out $330 to have the drums on my back wheels replaced (because you have to replace them both at the same time--not just one!). Thanks Jackass.

Untruly yours,

What a Friday the 13th this has been.

The town of West Orange is now on my shitlist. I don't care that you're named after a directional color or that Thomas Edison died there (Did you know he also lived in Michigan? I've been to Port Huron before. They aren't all braggy brag about To-Ed living there like West Orange seems to be. Weird.). You and your plastic-trash-bag-littering-citizens are dead to me.

I finished my water bottle sweat sock, but for the life of me, I can't freaking find it!

I put it on top of my knitting bag that I take to work with me the night I finished it. The next morning--gone! What the hell?

I'll bet the Underpants Gnomes have a splinter group working for them.

underpants gnomes


Speaking of underpants and gnomes that steal them, I'm starting a new meme. Why? Because I can dammit. I spent $330 on a wet bag of grass--don't question me!

But this is a meme with a twist. It's a photo meme. Sort of like the old Blogstalking that used to go on.

Maybe this has been done before, but I want to see your sock drawer where you keep your handknit socks (which is also where I keep my underpants, but don't let the gnomes know that).

Here's mine:

(That's vintage Michigan State University dorm furniture if you're interested.)

Ah so pretty. I wish I could take credit for them all, but the green ones are the Potomamamai that Cooknknit made me.

I'm tagging four people: Karen, Cpurl, Rebel/Zuma (because she's new to the blogging scene and I don't think has been tagged before--I wanna be her first!) and Kay.

All you gotta do is post a picture of your sock drawer. If you don't knit socks, that's OK, I'm still nosey. I still want to see your socks. Then go ahead and tag however many people whose sock drawers you want to see. Not tagging is perfectly acceptable. But I must warn you though that the last person who broke this chain ran over a plastic bag of grass clippings in the rain or they went bald. I can't remember. Do you really want that to happen?

Finally, I'll leave you on this abysmal Friday the 13 with the latest blossom from my pot garden. No potato pics today. I still took one today, but it was becoming boring blog fodder.

Behold the sunflower instead!


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Blogger T. Budnik said...

That's rough. I can't believe a wet bag of grass clippings did that. I always wondered what would happen if I ran over a plastic bag that was blowing across the street and it got into my wheels. Now, I kind of know.

Happy 13th!


7:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man what kind of bag was it? Black trash, grocery, tall kitchen? Well anyway on the bright side the sunflower looks nice and cheery. Have a better weekend. Love, Mom

8:16 PM  
Blogger Red Dog Knits - Kristi and Otis said...

Black bra under wet white shirt is better than no bra - just thinkin'

8:51 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

today a guy honked at me on my way to work. because there was a huge truck and a van in the lane next to us and he couldn't pass me.

oh. i was going 5 over the limit. yeah.

then? at a stoplight? when i hit the gas the moment it turned green? he honked AGAIN because apparently i wasn't accelerating quickly enough.

what retards! then he proceeded to weave in and out of both lanes for another mile til i lost him in the distance.

9:09 PM  
Blogger Beverly... said...

I had completely forgotten about the underpants gnomes. Thanks for the giggle. Sorry about your car! The sunflower is lovely. We in the Sunflower State always appreciate a good crop, no matter how small.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Wow! Your sunflower looks awesome! The groundhog ate all of the leaves off of mine, and I'm not sure the flower will grow now.

I'm sorry to hear about the trash bag thing. What a bitch!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

That sucks! Sorry to hear about that!! Love the sunflower! Have a better weekend!!

10:19 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

That suck big ol' nasty monkey balls.

I like your meme, till I thought about the pic I would post...I own two pair of HK socks.

10:45 PM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

I shall accept that challenge and post that photo this weekend!

*cpurl runs off to throw dirty pile of socks in washer*

10:53 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Well, that just really sucks! Really truly sucks.

But what a pretty sunflower you have!

11:35 PM  
Blogger Tactless Wonder said...

I'm sorry about the plastic bag. I know I had nothing to do with it, but somehow the catholic guilt won't let me leave it alone.

Ah Friday the 13th...I went to pack some socks this morning as I opted to wear sandals to my over-A.C.'d workplace only to find that my 1 of 3 pairs of hand knit socks was EATEN by the washing machine...Most of the ball of one foot is did I not notice this when I set them out to dry???

The gnomes are hungry, obviously...

1:14 AM  
Blogger Bufanditas said...

Unexepected crap like that on the road sucks and is very dangerous! One year I had a pretty scary accident because some fool did not remove the X-mas tree that had fallen off the roof of their car and left it laying on a dark road. I'm releaved to hear that nothing more serious happened to you.

2:42 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Interesting day you had....sorry it was so interesting. I will not use the word bad. :) I completely forgot it was the 13th....nothing interesting in my day.

Sock drawer pic, huh? All right. I'll see what I can do.

6:30 AM  
Blogger Cheesy Knit Wit said...

Unpant Gnomes and Splinter Groups! LMAO. I am crying with laughter now!

On a more serious note, that just plain sucks! Just when you think you are getting ahead, crap like that happens.

Oh, I did the meme.


7:11 AM  
Blogger Cheesy Knit Wit said...

Not unpant, underpants. Unpant is kinda cool though.

7:12 AM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

Oh my God. How big was this bag of grass? Ooooh I'd be stalking that neighbourhood until I saw the same type of bag full of clippings on someone's curb and then go confront them. Asshats.

Now, the sock drawer meme/blogstalking thing is something I could get down with. Once I get my blog back up and running. Stoopid Lenny.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Rebel said...

Bezzie - somehow I always knew you'd be my first. ;) -zuma

7:41 AM  
Blogger sgeddes said...

Crap - what a day. I had no idea that grass could cause so many problems.

Hope things pick up. That flower is wonderful! You're working that pot garden!

10:01 AM  
Blogger Batty said...

Lovely socks. And I hope the bastard turns up and gives you $330. That's just awful.

10:31 AM  
Anonymous pyewacket said...

Aw, geez. I'm glad you weren't hurt. Underpants gnomes totally rule.

Alas, I only have 2 pairs of hand-knit socks in my drawer. I've had half a sock on the needles for 6 months -- maybe I'll have 3 pair by next year.

My sock drawer also contains my undies and other unmentionables. Let's just say there are double-As in there that have nothing to do with my bra size. And no, I ain't blogging it. ;-)

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Knit Mongrel said...

I just snorted some of my morning diet coke all over my computer.

And that's my favorite diet coke of the day.

I'm telling the gnomes.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Magatha said...

That's the sort of thing that falls off a lawn service truck when not properly secured. You'd have seen it, if it weren't for the rain. I really hated driving in N.J. for a multitude of reasons. Wow, 330! Ugh!!!

Instigating memes! For shame! ~snicker~ It was worth it for the pic of the underpants gnomes and the spectacular sunflower.

2:13 PM  
Blogger weezalana said...

So that's what those panty gnomes look like. I've been wondering. Now we can wonder what their Sweat Sock Splinter Faction looks like, too.

4:55 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Ooh crap! I had a plastic bag get stuck in my fan once. It made an awful noise. Cost me $50 to get removed. Although that was better than what I thought I was gonna have to pay to fix the thing..... And I grew up across the river from Port Huron! heh.

7:17 PM  
Blogger JRS said...

Ugh, sorry to hear that. I'm glad you weren't hurt though. My brother hit a sofa last year at night--you think people would notice when they lose something like a filled trash bag or a sofa.

Beautiful sunflower, though!

8:34 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

So glad you are safe, 'cept for the $330. Really sorry about that. Great meme too, only I think you can tell just a little too much about a person by their sock drawer.

6:10 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

wtf! wet trash fuss! that sucks so bad, bezzie... and then panty raiding wee ones! what next! nice sunflower tho, in a pot huh? wow!

12:25 AM  
Blogger Alisha said...

That sucks....$330 holy moly.

Love the sun flower and I will have to get a shot of my sock drawer...cute meme!

6:21 AM  
Blogger Macoco said...

Grass clippings? That seriously blows.

The sunflower looks awesome though!

1:03 PM  
Blogger Rain said...

Gah! Some people sure got whacked with the idiot stick at birth.

3:01 PM  

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