Wanna See My Sleevage?
I'm going to have to remember that little camera trick. I look like some kind of funkalicious assymetrical super hero. Ha!
Other than being one sleeve light, we're also a couple thousand dollars light today too.
The money to the IRS is actually due tomorrow.
The plan was the mail the amended return tomorrow at lunch via certified mail, return receipt requested. I'm not dicking around with these IRS jacknards. I want to make sure my money gets to them. Since they've made it clear that they're idiots (ok, not all of them, just the ones dealing directly with my return), how can I trust that they can do something so simple as to recieve their mail?
However we've got a stupid training session at lunch tomorrow--something lame like "How To Seal An Envelope" or "Paperclips: The Metal, The Myth, The Mystery" I'm sure.
So I went to mail it today instead.
I included a sweet little letter with the check and forms too.
It pays homage to my days as a federally employed weenie sucking.
I used to carpool to base with my Old Man. He worked at the Travel Office.
I worked as a paper pushing general summer hire office monkey for the Civilian Personnel office. We serviced the whole Pacific rim. If you were a civilian and worked for the Army in Alaska, Hawaii, Korea, Okinawa or Johnston Island in the late 90's, chances are I saw and personally fondled your Personnel File.
Anyway, one day, probably on during our hour long commute to work, we came up with a mock-union for ourselves. We nicknamed it F.E.C.A.L.
Here's a copy of the letter I sent with our returns to the IRS today. If you read closely you can figure out where I slyly reference F.E.C.A.L.
Internal Revenue Service
Memphis, TN 37501
To Whom It May Concern:
Re: Form 4549; 2005 Income Tax Examination Changes; Contact No. ********; Tax ID No. 574-**-****
Enclosed for your records please find Form 4549 for the 2005 tax year signed by myself and my husband, Dr. Mad Scientist. Additionally enclosed please find Check No. 1170 in the amount of $2,442.59.
Please accept this as payment in full for our 2005 tax obligations.
Whereas I feel my husband’s non-self-employment income was wrongly lumped with my self-employment income, I am wary to expend the energy to fight your claim that these monies are owed to you. I am sure you have heard the old cliché that time is money. I am confident that the amount of time and overhead expended on auditing our tax return to collect $2,442.59 in the long run doesn’t net the IRS very much money. My arguing this amount would only further expend overhead and employee wages thus reducing the total amount the IRS is collecting–assuming they were correct in classifying my husband’s University wages as “self employment” income.
To conclude, I do not blame you--the auditor/person reading this letter. You are a person merely trying to feed, shelter and clothe your family. You’re just another person in the federal employees’ coalition of administrative laborers doing your job trying to make a living.
Please pass my regards onto Uncle Sam. I hope he enjoys his extra $2,442.59 he’s getting from us.