Friday, November 09, 2007

A Bag, Fire and Poop(s)

Sorry, this post is not about a flaming bag of poop, but close!

I'll start off today's entry with an FO of sorts.

I already showed you the felted Chunky lunch bag.

But here it is in its final glory:


The stats:

Pattern: You could sort of say “my own” but that’s not 100% true. The Brown Bag on Knitty is knit very similar. But you could say that the Booga Bag is also very similar to the Brown Bag.

You knit flat for a bit.

You pick up the stitches on the sides.

You knit in the round for a bit.

You bind off three sides of the bag.

You knit flat for a bit.

You felt (or full if you’re going to get technical) it.

The end.

Nothing spectacular or mind blowing about that.

Yarn: Paton’s Classic Merino Wool in "Wedgewood." Chunky picked it out at the store.

Needles: Size US 10

Notes: This was a nice mindless knit. I think it may do the trick in combating Stinky Lunch Sack Syndrome. The insulated lunch sacks I had been using for the Chunk were getting stinky and funky no matter how many times I wiped them out with soap and water and dried them. I should just be able to toss this one in the wash when it starts to get the funk. It’s already felted—why not?

I cannibalized the handle and closure from an old purse I had. Dr. Mad Scientist tells me it looks like a lunch purse and I should enjoy the age Chunky is now because he still thinks the things mom makes for him are cool. I think he’s just bitter that one of his coworkers said he looked like Joe Pesci in Home Alone when he wore that hat I knit him to work. Bah, what does he know?!

Speaking of coworkers, I don't write much about work on my blog anymore. This is partly due to the fact that although there's a lot of blog-worthy fodder, I think I've learned to exercise a bit of discretion in my two years of blogging (my year 2 bloggoversary passed last week--oops!--I didn't even notice!).

But today they canned two people. One I kinda figured had it coming. The other was a total shock.

I got to thinking that firings always seem to happen this time of year. Dr. Mad Scientist sort of lost his job in late September of last year. Although that was more a revoking of an offer than a firing.

A good friend of mine got the axe at Scheister, Shafter, Conniver & Dodge on Halloween two years ago. Another coworker went with her. That girl had it coming and why they waited so long with her, I'll never know. But my friend was a single mother and to can someone that you know has no other source of income so close to the holidays seemed kind of heartless to me. But when is it ever not heartless?

And then there was Bambi.

I worked for Scheister, Shafter, Conniver & Dodge for four years when my Cool Boss decided to leave the firm and not take me with him. This left me in a lurch.

The Man was having problems with her secretary Bambi. In late September, after Cool Boss left me, The Man asked me to come work for her and told me she would fire Bambi.

The catch was, she didn't have the balls to fire Bambi! She kept putting it off and putting it off, making up excuse after excuse. Meanwhile, I was still "working" for SSC&D--if you can call dusting two large fake ficus plants leaf-by-leaf "work."

Finally on November 11 she fired Bambi.


Knowing about Bambi's demise weeks in advance was horrible. But not as horrible as having Bambi come back the next Monday after she was fired to train me.

In retrospect, any motivated ape could have done Bambi's (and subsequently my) job. I picked it up quick enough and wish I could have spared myself the uncomfortable 4 hours of awkwardness that were my training with Bambi.

Ah well. I think firings are always blessings in disguise. I'm confident my two ex-coworkers will find something better and will be happier.

Of course this is really easy for me to say in my position. I hate to think about the shit they're feeling right now.

But, I'm not going to end this on a downer.

Behold! Poops Hands!


Seeing as Chunky's hands are growing at the same rapid pace as the rest of him (I've got approximately one foot in height on him and my hands are only one inch longer than his), it was time for some new mittens for him.

I tried knitting him some. But um, yeah. I sucked butt at the pair I tried knitting.

So I contacted the Mitten Queen and she made Chunky a pair of custom mittens.

Dude, for a nominal price she made these kick ass mittens! How cool is that?

Plus when I told Chunky that a lady named Poops made his mittens, he couldn't stop giggling. This is why I love having a kid, potty humor never gets old.

So if you want to get your hand on some Poops check her out!

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Blogger lisa said...

yeah, i don't care how old you get, farts and poop never stop being funny.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

I'm with Lisa ~snort~ firings ahhh, I have fond memories. I came out (career and $)better even though I miss the heck out of everyone. Most of them have also found new gigs. The chunk man looks like he may fill out those mitts pretty quick. I love how the lunch box turned out!

8:21 PM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

I'm sorry, but after mentioning that Dr. Mad Scientist looked like Joe Pescii in Home Alone, Chunky needs to be doing the scream face with the mittened hands on his cheeks for the FO shoot. I'da cracked up even more.

9:08 PM  
Blogger weezalana said...

Lunch purse, ha! Would that make it a lurse? Or a boy purse, a burse? Or a boy lunch purse - a bolurse?

Joe Pesci, LOL!

9:29 PM  
Blogger Starfish said...

Holy crap tell me about it. We are still reeling over here from recent firings at our company. What a mess! I'm staying home next Halloween!!

10:04 PM  
Anonymous HappyPiranha said...

You think you get a lot of poop humor now, just wait until Chunky is a teenage boy! It gets worse.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Magatha said...

Poopy humor is what made Comedy Central rich. Mr. Hankie, he loves you. That's a mighty fine pair of Poopy mittens you've got there Chunky!

Three cheers for taking your career seriously. We don't need to hear stuff from work.

Nice job on the lunch purse! ahahaahahahh! Your DMS is a smart aleck too, I see. ;-)

10:37 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

Hehe..poops mitts!

Nice job on that bag. Yeah, enjoy him liking what you make him..may it never get not cool for has for mine.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

It always has a strange effect on the office ambiance when people at Scott's work get the axe. Even if everyone knows that it was deserved, it makes people anxious.

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, sorry to hear about the firings. Sometimes it is a blessing in disguise. LOVE that pic of Chunkie and his mittens. You know the other day was "wear what your daughter knit for you" to work day. That was the day I walked to work. I wore my Germany socks, my Lupe scarf, my mitties, and my tam. No one else wore anything but then I think that I am the only one there that has a daughter that knits. Not to brag but I was nice and toasty warm the whole way to work. Love, Mom

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel sad for those who got fired at your place of employment. The company I work for has a history of doing the same thing. One year they did a huge layoff on Valentine's Day. The fish wrapper put it on the front page and called it "The St. Valentine's Day Massacre." I work at one of the largest places in town, so when crap like that happens, it's a big deal.

It is funny you mention mittens, as soon as I am done with my sweater, I going to cast on for a pair of them for moi!

Take care,


5:54 AM  
Blogger buttercup said...

Luv the lunch bag/purse whatever.

...and I'm so glad Chunky is over his strange case of "pucca pox". hehheeeeee!

8:23 AM  
Blogger Carol said...

Hands full of Poop! I can't stop giggling.....

10:28 AM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

I love the lunch bag! And the Poop mittens! But not as much as I love Chunky's smilin' mug.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

I personally loved your tales of The Man... I got fired once, for telling a guy that the cafe I worked at, and he was applying at, wouldn't hire him cuz he was a guy. They had been open for 20 years and had never had any male employees. It was a known lesbian spot... not me!... but I just had to tell him, cuz he looked like he really needed a job... oh well!

12:00 PM  
Blogger Batty said...

Wow, those are some kick ass mittens! And from the Mitten Queen herself. What a lucky kid!

Great bag too. I think I need a lunch purse like that for the office.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous bufanditas said...

Kids are great at this age. You can make them anything and they'll love it because they know you made it especially for them. How neat is that?

4:06 PM  
Blogger maryannlucy said...

Warm Poopy Hands - what more could Chunky want, toasty roasty hands :)
Love the lunch bag - great job!

3:49 AM  
Anonymous Miss T said...

Great bag!

10:59 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I can not imagine the firing then training and you knowing ahead and just waiting around for it to happen. Ugh.

Cute Chunkster and his mittens :) I like a good potty joke too

1:30 PM  
Blogger Poops said...

He and the bug have the same size hands. Which worked out well for me.

Though oddly, my kids aren't nearly as excited about new mittens as the Chunk is.


4:22 PM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

Love the lunch bag! It turned out great!!

And after hanging out with a 6-yr-old and 4-yr-old all weekend, I'd have to agree with you....they said fart and poop and giggled ALL weekend! Never heard so many fart jokes in my life!! :)

1:57 AM  
Blogger Alisha said...

It does seem that this time of year is a horrible time to fire a person. And that whole Bambi situation would have sucked royally.

Chunky's mitts rock!!

Mitts are my newest knitting obsession....I see a lot of people getting mitts for Christmas...hopefully....if I can knit fast enough!

Love the lunch bag too!

6:20 PM  

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