Sunday, November 11, 2007

Loosing My Lunch

Ah, the end-0f-year holidays! The parade of dead trees disguised as paper pestering us for money has started to come in the mail.

This one I particularly loved:


You know, I do worry about loosing my house and job.

Wait a minute, New Jersey isn't on any fault lines that I know of, so I don't think my house would ever become loose.

I guess my job could become loose if I ever took up employment across the street at the tittie bar.

I'm not a United Way giver. I like to research my charities, and well, United Way doesn't make my personal cut. But this gem of a piece of mail was great blog fodder just waiting to happen.

And speaking of loose--poor Dr. Mad Scientist had a grand beginning to his weekend.

Friday night he worked late. I offered to pick him up from the train station, but he said he was OK walking with his Joe Pesci Hat and his gloves. But when he learned it was 34 degrees and raining, he decided to take me up on the offer.

We were a few minutes late getting to the train station (hey, try raising a Chunky from a sound sleep and getting him bundled up and into the car!).

He had this look on his face that could sour milk with one glance when we pulled up.

I apologized for being a few minutes late.

Alas, it wasn't my slight tardiness he was upset about.

He was upset because some Jersey Girl decided to VOMIT ON HIM ON THE TRAIN.

One of the "perks" of living in a highly urban area like New York City and northern New Jersey is you can get around quite a bit without driving. On Friday nights this equals lots of drunk-ass people on the subways and trains.

Remember this picture of me and my sister in Seacaucus? Notice the dude in the background--yeah, a whole linen closet full of sheets into the wind.


What really pisses me off about this girl is two things:

1. Dr. Mad Scientist was sitting by the window. She was sitting next to the aisle. When she vomited--she did not turn towards the aisle, or bend straight over--she turned towards him and spewed.

2. Before Dr. Mad Scientist could process what happened, the bitch took off running for a different car. She didn't even apologize!!

According to Dr. Mad Scientist, she wasn't sick with the flu, she was clearly drunk.

Now if Chunky blew chunks on me, I'm OK with that. If Dr. Mad Scientist tossed his cookies on me, I'd deal. Even if some random child (I'll let a kid off the hook due to the trauma of vomiting and how unsettling it can be to the young) couldn't control the contents of their stomach and showered me with puke, I'd let it go.

But a full grown woman, who drank enough to get herself to the point of puking? No way. There is no excuse for that.


1. I do laundry on Saturday and I didn't have to make a special trip to wash his clothes;

2. Dr. Mad Scientist, unlike his other train-mates that get off at the Uber-Rich stop he does, does NOT have to wear a suit to work. You don't even want to know how mad I would be if that bitch had puked on a suit we paid good money for;

3. Dr. Mad Scientist had worked up a sweat rushing around the train station/subway system and took off his leather jacket prior to sitting down. The vomitus did not touch his leather jacket; and

4. Thank goodness Dr. Mad Scientist changed his mind about getting a ride home. His cell phone battery died after he called me. If he hadn't called when he did (pre-vomit) he would have been walking home in the cold, in the rain and covered in puke.

So dear drunk-ass-hootchie-mama-NJT-Jersey-Girl--I may never know who you are, but I console myself that someday you'll get what's coming to you.

Maybe you'll die and be reincarnated as one of those hospital barf bowls, a bottle of syrup of ipecac, or possibly as the carpet of a frat house.

I'm just so miffed about this whole thing.

I tried cleaning the shirt Dr. Mad Scientist was wearing and was unable to salvage it. I think Jersey Girl was eating a greasy Big Mac or something before she evacuated the contents of her stomach on my man. This is a bummer because Dr. Mad Scientist looked so damn HOT in that shirt too.


Ok, but I promised Dr. Mad Scientist that I'd let it go.

Thank you dear readers for letting me spew my anger about the Amazing Vomiting NJT Bitch. Pun completely intended.

I'll give you a reward for reading petty rants about spelling errors and rude people:


I finished another Calorimetry--this time out of that Crystal Palace Fjord yarn in "Roses" that I bought last weekend at Stix when me and the Chunk went to meet Chris.

Now I have three of these. I might gift this one though. I've been wearing my Cpurl Yarn Green Calorimetry all weekend in the house. I told you--I'm not turning on the heat until December!!!

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Blogger Elizabeth said...

In all the excessive drinking I ever did, with all the vomiting that came with it, I never vomited on a person. That's a real low.

I'm imagining that in 8 years, you're reading the classifieds in your local paper and with the catch-all where people place ads to their deceased loved ones (isn't that a weird thing to do?, you see one that reads,
You don't remember me, but in 2007 I barfed on you on the train. I'm so sorry. I'm sober now and I don't barf on people these days. I know I can't make it up to you, so I thought I'd just try to apologize. Yours, the barfing NJT girl.

6:28 PM  
Blogger janna said...

The new Calorimetry is lovely -- it really does look like roses!

Re the United Way letter: I think a typo like that might make some people who were thinking about giving think twice.

And thank god Mad Scientist didn't have on his leather jacket. I think it would impossible to get regurgitated Big Mac off of leather....

6:36 PM  
Blogger maggie said...

You have every right to rant. man.

6:51 PM  
Blogger Jessie said...

I, too, commute via NJ Transit every day, and my job has odd hours, so I'm often taking the last train of the night home. And wow - are there a lot of drunk, loud people on those trains.

I remember once witnessing a bunch of drunk teenagers getting tossed of the train in Seacaucus - off of the last train! It was kind of satisfying.

But vomited on someone? Totally the worst drunk on a train story every. Ugh.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Magatha said...

So DMS thought he'd get out of getting puked on by going into research? Hahahhaha! The puke monster can find a Dr. anywhere!

All the drugs I did, all the alkmahol, all the vomiting, I've never once puked up on anyone other than my Mom, when I was a kid.
It was great to be a drunk in the tri-state area. Not ever does one have to worry about how to get home. Sure! I'll have one for the road!

There's a person on the Rav who calls that headband the Root Cover. Boy howdie, do I ever need one right now. ;)

7:28 PM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

What the? Drive by puking? How disgusting! Poor Dr. Mad Scientist! Gah!

7:38 PM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

Turtlegirl's comment made me lol.

The Calorimetry is very pretty. I have 2 so far--I really like them too.

One time I barfed all over an ex-boyfriend who was wearing a brand new la-di-da suit.

8:37 PM  
Anonymous Mobile said...

Great news

10:11 PM  
Anonymous etcgirl said...

Well, don't that just blow chunks.

Er ...

10:27 PM  
Blogger Beverly said...

Vent away, dear. Many of us would have done the same.

I don't like United Way either. We get bombarded at work with events raising money for them.

11:10 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

Geesh, that just sucks!!! Hope someone pukes on her soon!

Love the colors in the calorimetry!

Oh and rant away, that's why we are here! :)

11:40 PM  
Anonymous birdie said...

Oh my dad. I think if someone had hurled on me and then ran off without apologizing, I would have ran after her all while yelling a lot of the F-word in front of the many profanities you can call a drunk woman. That is ridiculous. And traumatizing. I hope Dr. Mad Scientist is recovered from it.

12:28 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...


Poor guy.

Have you tried white chalk on the grease? Or Oxyclean? Yeah, I can deal with a kids puke but some random nasty drunk girl? Yikes. I can't even imagine how stunned he was either!

6:23 AM  
Blogger Cindy in Happy Valley said...

Give the Shout with the two liquids a try. I forget what the name is, but it's like Oxyclean. Hasn't failed me yet.

As for UW--every year we get an envelope, every year we're told that we need to "sign" the card even if we don't contribute (under pain of death no doubt), every year-as soon as I get it, I circular file it. I have yet to see someone at my door with crossed arms and a tapping foot.

8:34 AM  
Blogger sgeddes said...

Damn - I never thought about that danger of riding on the train! Frat house carpet! LOL! Now that is disgusting.

The headwrap came out great!

10:11 AM  
Anonymous Necia said...

Only in NJ I tell you. I can't stand hanging out in NY on Friday night or Sat for that matter, and taking the train home afterwards. Now, I limit my drinking because I want to be alert for the train ride. I wish everyone did that! The complete fools people make out of themselves. And, OMG, all those fools going to Hoboken. I hate the fact that I have to signal them out, but this is from experience yanno. The women be tripping all over each other, in those high heels. Thongs be hanging all out of their pants. The girls be all over the place. The men dont' be much better. Not only do they have to focus on holding themselves up, they have to focus on holding up their female companion. They take they're shoes off. They sit on the floor of the station and the floor of the train. The staggering. The dry heaving. Sistah I know exactly where you coming from. It got to the point, where I don't even go out anymore, or if necessary I chuck up the exorbitant NY parking fee, all while moaning the next day at my empty wallet!

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Miss T said...

That is so completely horrible. I'm sorry you both had to deal with it!!

10:53 AM  
Blogger weezalana said...

The last time I drank enough to feel like ejecting the contents of my stomach (and that was a loooooong time ago), I at least had the wherewithall to know there was no way in hell I was getting on a moving vehicle. Sorry the shirt was unsalvagable!

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never give to UW they take 20% to 25% of every dollar that you give to run their offices and over pay their head honchoes. A few years back there was an investigation of one of the directors of UW there on the east coast. He was paying himself over 100,000$ and getting all the perks.
Am I the only one that considers vomit a bio-hazard? I would have to have my rubber gloves and and would not have even tried to clean the clothes, straight to the trash they would have gone. A complaint to the transit would have been next. They are suppose to keep those trains safe for you to ride. It must be my retail training comeing out, at JoAnns we had to report all things like that, and there was a kit that we used to clean it up and a way to wrap and toss in trash.
You know that new knitted item of yours would go real good with my winter jacket. Hint hint!! Love, Mom

12:14 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

I never realized how much trouble people have with lose vs. loose until I started reading blogs. I read about people "loosing" things probably at least once per week. I even thought about mentioning it on my blog, but then I figured that a lot of those "loosers" read my blog and probably wouldn't appreciate it too much...I tend to inadvertently offend people enough as it is.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, barf is the worst.thing.ever. Sorry the heartless bitch "loosed" her nasty drunk food on your DH.

I do believe in the oxyclean working, too. I use the Trader Joe's version - but it does the trick for sure.

I'm going anon on this one, as my MIL is one of those people who "looses" things. Constantly. And apparently she has "wholes" in her pants from when she fell down on her bike...errr. Spelling mistakes... So, are you certain the letter from the United Way was actually them? It seems that a well-known organization should have some eye-balling their paperwork before they mass mail? Just a thought

12:59 PM  
Blogger bradyphrenia said...

i've puked on myself a few times but never on anyone else. and drunk or no i certainly would've profusely apologized. what a bitch.

i am very anti-united way. they run a big campaign here at work and it always pisses me off with their stupid reply cards. i would be tempted to write, "please stop asking me for money. i am never giving it to you" if i thought it would do any good.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Ina said...

Sorry Dr. Mad Scientist got barfed on. I can commiserate - a drunk guy loosed his dinner on me one Friday evening (and I was wearing my favorite silk dress, sigh).

NJ has 'most everything - public drunks, poor spellers, and even fault systems and earthquakes! The last are nothing by Alaska standards, though.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Ed said...

Let me first start with an apology, I'm sorry for this next bit. No really I am.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HA!
You can't make stuff like that up.
Right, I've settled down and I agree with you, it's not right for an adult to do that, doesn't make it any less hilarious tho'.
I hope that Dr. Mad Scientist's shirt gets better.
I've been the guy on the tube out of his head, once or twice (I am after all an ex sailor). But I have to be seriously (medically not drunk) to puke, Every time I think I'm about to die, it's been that way since I was five.

Oh, and the wool thing looked nice.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Starfish said...

AS a subway and train veteran, trust me, I have seen my share of vomiting in action. Never had it on me though - that really sucks.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Now that's blog fodder! I never have anything that interesting happen to me. Not that I mind...

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Jesh said...

Bleurgh. NJT is so lovely. And I'd have some hilarious stories about late night PATH trains if I hadn't blocked them all from my memory...

There was a guy on my train yesterday drinking a beer. At 4:30. I think I made a wise choice in choosing to stand for a few stops rather than sit next to him in the only available seat.

12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just sickening. I would have puked if someone would have puked on me.


5:35 AM  
Blogger Macoco said...

That is absolutely horrific.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Disco said...

Sorry, but I'm with Ed. hhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha
Bezzie, you freaking CRACK. ME. UP. Only you could make such an obnoxious situation so funny. Please write a book.

And your calorimetry is gorgeous.

And the UW suck spellcheck. They guilt my DH out of $ at work too. We are just recently heading towards Bezzie cheapassness though, so he cut back big-style for the upcoming year - gotta get the boys to college somehow, right?

12:38 PM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

I work for the Univ of Pa Health System (probably we should keep that between us) and every year we get hit with Penns' Way United Way campaign. I do not ever give to the UW. I choose my charities and give where I think it does the most good. So, I always throw the forms out. This year they want to claim 100% participation so if you don't want to give, you just check the "no" box but you PARTICIPATED. In order to keep my supervisor (whom I like) out of hot water I checked the box. But what a bunch of baloney.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Alisha said...

Love the calorimetry...great colors!!

Poor mad scientist! That sucks. Some people are just idiots.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

I can just imagine where she woke up. Hope it was a bad place.

7:07 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Love those colors in your calorimetry!

Poor Dr. Mad Scientist, I don't even have words for how disgusting that is. Yuck!

2:49 PM  
Anonymous bufanditas said...

You have all my sympathy on this one. Getting puked on sucks but getting puked on by a complete stranger is beyond gross.

6:53 PM  
Blogger ZantiMissKnit said...


walking home in the cold, in the rain and covered in puke.

Is so going to be the title of my first album.

In all my years of partying, not only did I never puke in public*, I never puked on another person.

*this subject just came up last night as a car in front of us stopped so the passenger could open the door and vomit into the street. It was about 1 a.m. so you know why she vomited. At least she wasn't driving.*

9:15 AM  
Anonymous women leather jackets said...

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4:57 AM  

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