Thursday, November 29, 2007

Weirdness for my Sister

I normally don't do memes.

But my sister T. tagged me and I really don't feel like taking a shower right now. (It's freezing in this apartment and getting naked really doesn't sound appealing right now. Especially with that damn 1920 slow draining plumbing. Nothing like wading in your own filth.)

Since T. is unemployed (well for the most part--she's rockin' the joe-job scene but would like a more grown up job) and has time on her hands, I'll do this to entertain her.

Therefore, I give you Seven Weird/Random Things about me.

I don't think I've ever done this one. I did Six Things That Piss Me Off the last time I was tagged with a meme like this. But enough--onto the meme!

1. I am afraid of mind readers. When I'm in the grocery store and thinking what a mother effing jackass the guy in front of me is for parking his cart at an angle in the middle of the aisle while he slowly examines each can of sliced olives--I worry that he might be able to hear my thoughts.

Or worse yet! What if Hot Attorney hears me thinking about what a great ass he has and how somedays that's the only thing worth going into work for?! Eeek!

2. Staying on a supernatural topic--I really don't like to think that dead people check up on us to see how we're doing from wherever they've departed too.

Think about it. Do you really want Grandma checking on you and oops! you just happen to be having sex? I'd like to think that Grandma would look away if she happened to check in on me and I was gettin' busy. But on the other hand, I know that if I was dead and checking in on my relatives, I'd probably be laughing my ass off watching them have sex.

Have you ever imagined what you look like having sex? I have. And I'm sure it's a laughable situation.

I really hope Granny is just eating a Philly cream cheese bagel on a fluffy cloud and chatting with cherubs instead.

3. I don't like to eat in front of schoolmates or coworkers. Now if I'm in a meeting and they order lunch for us, I'll eat then. However, if I'm bringing my own lunch in, I do not like eating it in front of people. In high school I ate lunch between classes with my head ducked in my locker or not at all.

Now, at work, I go out to my car to eat lunch and never eat in the lunchroom. Of course this gets fun in the dead of summer and winter.

Maybe this is just anti-socialism, but I can't even eat lunch at my desk in front of others. I'll put a sandwich in a desk drawer and sneak bites of it if I'm forced to eat at my desk.

4. If I could choose how I died, I would want to freeze to death. Better yet, I'd like to get really drunk and then freeze to death. This seems like a really peaceful, painless way to go.

5. I will freak out if I'm in the shower and the toilet seat is left open. This only happens if one of the boys comes in to drain his dragon while I'm showering--but it drives me crazy! I have a fear of stepping out of the shower and setting my foot into the bowl. I'm blind as a bat, so I could see this happening. Not so much in the bathroom we're in now, but in the bathroom I grew up with, the one we had in Fort Collins and Michigan--yes!

6. This one's for the knitting folk: I've been knitting for how many years now and I think I've been SSKing instead of K2tog. Oops. I'll never change the way I K2tog though!

7. Sometimes I'll walk topless through my dining room to give the guys smoking outside Clancy's Boobie Bar across the street a peek at what they're missing by patronizing a lame-ass "go-go" bar where the "dancers" have to wear skimpy tops and bottoms.

And yet I have a problem with my dead grandma watching me have sex. Hm.

Labels:

24 Comments:

Blogger Jo said...

Bez, you crack me up. I'm curious *why* you don't like to eat in front of other people. What about family dinners?

7:02 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

I laughed my ass off so much I spit coffee on my desk! You're so funny!

7:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I ask what your recipe is for the Felted Christmas Trees?

I'll eat in front of anyone. It's food, and well, I like to eat....whatcha looking at? :)

Kay

8:04 AM  
Blogger The Curly Knitter said...

As always you crack me up. Thanks for a morning chuckle.

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Miss T said...

Heeheehee. Number 2 on your list bugs me, too.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

When I met my husband's grandfather for the first time, they told me that he could read minds. I had a panic attack and tried to do that brickwall trick from that 1970's movie with the alien kids, so that he couldn't see what I was thinking.

Did you ever notice when you think other people might be able to read your mind that you start thinking about all of the things you'd never want anyone to know? Maybe it's just me ... :).

9:54 AM  
Blogger janna said...

I feel honored that you allowed us knitters in the library in San Antonio to watch you eat lunch! And I have never thought about people reading my mind -- until now, that is....

9:59 AM  
Blogger sgeddes said...

I hav eno idea why you'fd pick freezing to death as an option. Wouldn't it be more peaceful to just pass away in your sleep?

Although maybe there is something wrong with me 'cause that's the only one I thought strange?

10:03 AM  
Blogger T. Budnik said...

Dude, I'm afraid of mind readers, too!

Thank you for this. My unemployment thanks you, too.

-T.

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, Grandma Kaye would watch...If she wasn't don't it herself with your dead Grandpa Gene. They have to have some kind of entertainment across there. As for the toilet/shower thing get out of the end away from the toilet. I told you you were a picky eater!! Love, Mom
PS: I could give those guys half a thrill if I walked topless through your living room!!!

11:57 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

You ate lunch with us when we did the yarn crawl!

And wait til you see MY bathroom....you'll love it. No chance at stepping into the bowl...it's around the "corner" from the tub!

12:10 PM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

I have been tagged for this but it's eight random things. It's tough. I love that you walk around half naked in view of the tittie bar!

12:19 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

You won't eat in front of your coworkers (I don't like that either) but you parade around topless for strange peepole?! I know I spelled that wrong. You crack me up to the core ~snort~

1:25 PM  
Blogger weezalana said...

That is why Hubster and I vowed to never, ever, EVER vid ourselves throwin' down. Not because of the while dead people watching us thing, but because we think we're really good at it and don't want any evidence to the contrary.

Frozen drunk death, nice!

2:08 PM  
Blogger Ina said...

Seems perfectly consistent to me. If one were to shower in an unheated apartment and inadvertently get one's foot stuck in the toilet, one could possibly freeze to death. The part about grandma seems quite consistent too... erm, unless she frequents Clancy's, in which case maybe it doesn't.

Good luck to T in the job hunt! It's worthwhile to take the time to find a good one.

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Birdie said...

Sometimes I wonder if people can read my mind, too. I'm always afraid professors can read minds and know that I'm actually thinking about sex instead of whatever topic they're going on about. Eh, what are ya gonna do?

3:19 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

You are indeed, weird. No weirder than the rest of us, I notice. As a friend once said,"the only normal prople are the ones you don't know very well!"

4:21 PM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

Hee! OK, normally I skip past memes entirely, but I knew you'd make it a good one. Hee!

5:25 PM  
Blogger Magatha said...

No one can really read minds, so you're off the hook, daydream your wildest, no one will know. However, there are people who are very observant and intuitive and can guess what you're thinking. In that instance scowling and complete denial protects your privacy.
I don't like to be watched while I eat. I didn't like to smoke with other people when I smoked either. I wanted all the nicotine to myself and to concentrate on the sweet ciggy goodness.
Geez, the knitting police are gonna show up and arrest your for your ssks. That's funny. I am mostly self taught too.

5:57 PM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

Aw Bezzie, you make me laugh! When is the book deal coming!! Seriously!! And has everyone else read your mom's comments above??!?!! Love it!!

1:31 AM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

I don't like eating in front of other people if they're not eating. If I'm eating at my desk and someone walks in and plops down, I stop eating until they leave.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Alisha said...

I don't think I will ever have sex again for fear of a dead love one looking LOL (I am kidding...I may however insist on covers LOL)

Great post as usual!

7:30 PM  
Anonymous NikBudnik said...

You know, your mothers comment sounded quite creepy to me. I think it was the names that threw me. You know what I mean? The combo of the two in that context...Ew.
Haha!
Drunk and frozen, cant get much better than that, but lets make sure we are gooooood and drunk first, yes?

8:23 PM  
Blogger Dolores said...

Haha! Yes, you know, that's how the man who is probably my mother's father died. He got drunk, got locked out of his house in the middle of winter and froze to death on his porch. I assume it was a very easy way to go.

By the way, I'm the same way about food. I don't like to eat in front of people. when I do have to eat in front of people (eating out, or whatever) I hunch over and attempt to hide the fact that I am eating, and I'm constantly wiping at my face. I imagine that I look like a shaved chipmunk. Yeah.

12:11 PM  

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