Monday, February 25, 2008

Ugliest Couch

Alright peeps! It's time for the First Annual Ugly Couch Blog Contest.

Props to the Harlot of Yarn providing inspiration for the name of this contest with her weak blogging analogy.

These people were unafraid to invite us into their living rooms to look and judge their couches!

Here's the scoop--I'll number each picture(s) and in the comments let me know who you think has the ugliest couch. The person with the most votes wins some random meanderthings and the other winner will be randomly drawn.

Voting ends Wednesday, 2/27.

I'm not going to use names--because you know you'd all be voting for Barack's couch if I named his couch. You know you can't resist the way you think his cushions will make your butt feel. And even though no one's really sat on him, he just looks so full of comfy promise. I want to give the Hillary couches a fighting chance even though their not as articulate with your cheeks but mean just as well as Barack's couch.

(And yeah, that rule isn't 100% foolproof, I realize there's a way to figure out whose is whose...but I'm not going to give that away too.)

Elizabeth 2
Elizabeth 3
I love this couch--but I can't help but wonder what one-legged person it squished? See the foot sticking out from underneath in the last picture?

This is what we call the modest couch. What blemishes hide behind those beautiful quilts? I guess we have to throw it some beads, or maybe sit down and let the quarters from our pockets fall into her cushions before she flashes us.

Wuhahahahahaha! Can I really add anything to this?

Michelle AK
Damn. I want this couch. Can you imagine how uncomfortable it would be for your husband to have to sleep on when he comes home to tell you he's been drinking at work and suspended without pay from his job?

Now I actually think this couch is sexy. Check out that racy little slit up the side of the cushion--giving you a teasing look at her foam.

Hey, the slit works for Renee...why not a couch?

Another sexy couch--with not so sexy pillows.

This reminds me of a hot middle aged man with classic good looks (just like black leather) but for some reason he feels the need to wear a really bad looking toupee despite the fact he'd be perfectly hot if he was just secure enough to go bald with grace.

Number 7 decided to be a smartass and send me a picture of the place in her living room where her couch would be had she the money or the balls to commit to settling down and embracing the "adult" lifestyle of owning real honest to god. I kid because I kare.

Why, this couch doesn't look so bad...what's wrong with this couch?

rebel 2
I do believe if a couch had an ass, this would be a picture of a couch mooning us. Check out that under the cushion crumby-linty goodness! Nice!

So there you go. Leave the number you like best in the comments. Winners will be announced later this week.



Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

I gotta go with #1. The rest look fairly nice in comparison.

6:47 AM  
Blogger The Curly Knitter said...

Wow. There are a lot of awesomely bad couches here but I'm going with #4.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Trillian42 said...

Some of the others aren't great, but for most of them, it's wear and tear that makes them ugly - they were once not so bad.

#4, on the other hand... wow. Totally gets my vote.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Poops said...

I have to go with #1. First, because it's ugly. Second, because it's had the radish. And third, because whomever owns it is as bad--possibly worse--a housekeeper than myself.

Now, if you had a World's Most Uncomfortable Couch contest I'd be all over that one...

7:09 AM  
Blogger Brena said...

My vote has to go to #1!

7:34 AM  
OpenID MarieGrace said...

I'm vot'in for #5. The rest look really worn, but #5 is just ugly.

And BTW... you've been tagged on my blog.

7:57 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

You know, after seeing all of those pictures, I don't feel so bad about my housekeeping (ahem) skills.

I vote for #4. I would have voted for #1, and for much the same reason that the other people did, but #4 looks so god-awful uncomfortable, and the fabric. Seriously, people, it's 2008, and covering individual couch cushions like that is SO easy - even a crappy futon mattress would be an improvement. Thing is, it could be better. Most of the others that were really bad, were better in their day - kind of like Blanche from A Streetcar Named Desire. It's not that they are ugly as much as it is that they have aged, and not well. #4 was BORN ugly - poor thing.

7:59 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

Oh, it's such a tough call between 4 and 5, but I'll go with--#4.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Dkswife said...

#4 gets my vote because I can see how uncomfortable it could be and damn it is ugly. #1 was close, but I think most of it is just because of the dirtiness of the home. Lord, get that person a swiffer mop and a dust rag please.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Dkswife said...

BTW, have you received my e-mails? Can you e-mail me to make sure I have your addy correct? Sweet, thanks :)

8:20 AM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

I vote for No. 4. That meterial is just about the worst and it looks very uncomfortable for everyone (whether they were naughty and lost their jobs or not). I had a futon couch and it hurt my back everytime I sat on it.

8:39 AM  
Blogger sgeddes said...

This was a tough decision - but I'm going with #4.

8:55 AM  
Blogger Linnea said...

Am I the only one who was expecting to see much, much worse? I like #1. It has tears, and it's in a messy room, but the pattern is nice - and the room looks like how things would be around here without super-neat husbeast. And #4? I'm sorry. I think it's damn cool. The blue guy with the wood - well, I don't like wood like that, but it's still not bad.

I'm going for #5, due to the 1980s yuppie fabric, which creeps me out.

(And now I have revealed myself as someone who likes ugly couches.)

9:03 AM  
Blogger Olga said...

Ok, #1 is bad but only because of all the 'window dressing' around it to make it look extra bad. But #4 is bad all on its own, no extras. Soooo- it's a close vote but I think I'm going with four.

9:18 AM  
Blogger buttercup said...

I think I owned one of those #4 couches. You'd sit on it and get a spring poking your butt so it was the most uncomfortable couch.

Like everyone else, it was a toss up for me, but I gotta go with #1 because of the "look it's all better" towel cover up. Love that.

I salute the bravery of all who exposed their couches.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...


9:41 AM  
Blogger ZantiMissKnit said...


I used to have one of those black leather (actually naugahyde) couches. It was a sofa bed, and I slept on it for years. That was one heavy-a$$ mofo!

10:36 AM  
Blogger Miss T said...

Tough choice between 4 & 5, but I have to go with #5. It's a much worse design. You *could* recover #4 with nice fabric and make it not embarrassing, but #5 is purely a product of one of the worst furniture design periods in history. Bad fabric, bad form...ew. Number 1 should get some sort of runner up prize for best mess.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Sherry W said...

#4! But kudos to the null-couch posting!

11:13 AM  
Blogger Ina said...

I distinguish between a damaged couch and an ugly couch, so vote for #4.

But, dang, I shoulda submitted a photo myself. I just got rid of an ugly couch in today's Bulky Waste Day.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Rebel said...

1. looks pretty bad, but makes me feel really good about the state of my livingroom!
4. is so ugly it's gorgeous
2,3,6,8 are all decent couches just *pretending* to be ugly
7. has no actual, you know... couch!

but my vote for ugliest couch has got to go to #5 for it's circa 1980s fabulousness! The overstuffed-ness, that grey swirly pattern, the pink & teal accent pillows...and as you mentioned, that oh so sexy rip down the side. oh, I can almost see Don Johnson relaxing on it.

11:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well this is a tough one....I was almost bowled over by 1 but then looking at 4 really got me. It reminded me of the couch that I had like it. And yes you can recover the cushions but that does not always help and as someone else said it was born Ugly!!! So my vote has to go with #4. Love, Mom

11:52 AM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

Love it Bezzie! You are amazing!! I shall say #4, partly due to the fabulous commentary underneath it!! Disco may appropriately say, Look, Fug. hehehe! Or shabby chic?! no?

11:54 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I gotta go with #4. It looks so damn uncomfortable.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

I believe #4 is the winner ;-) I sure hope I'm not insulting anyone, I'm no Gucci when it come to decorating!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

#4 gets my vote!

12:19 PM  
Blogger T. Budnik said...

Well, I am going to vote for #7. C'mon people, there's no couch. Isn't the non-existant couch the ugliest? Without a couch you can IMAGINE the ugliest couch.

I'm voting for #7 because I bet ten to one that poor person is sitting on a broken lawnchair and wooden stool while s/he works out the furniture commitment issues.

That is all.


12:21 PM  
Blogger Beverly said...

#1 baby! Is it just me, or was anyone else afraid of cushion stuffings as a child? They look like they could burst out and grab you.

12:44 PM  
Blogger knottygnome said...

i'm saying #4. plaid always wins, plus it looks so scratchy to sit on.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Starfish said...

Oh yeah #4 all the way. The rest are mostly damaged and poorly decorated, not necessarily ugly like that one is. No offense!

1:25 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Oh, that was just TOO funny! You had me cracking up reading this, especially about the Barack/Hillary couches, LOL! Reminds me of this big photo of the front page of my local newspaper, of the Obama speech in Youngstown (OH) - this young female college student right in the middle of the photo, wearing a "Hot Chicks for Obama" badge, LOL! The couches are all so hideous, I need to look at them again to decide which one to vote for.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

OK, I vote for #4.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Nadine said...

number 4. Because although the others are just as ugly, this one looks like it would be terribly uncomfortable to sit on let alone sleep on. The others look like they might at least be comfy

2:27 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I'm going with #4 just for the pure "It came from the factory that way" ugliness of it all. And it looks uncomfortable.

4:13 PM  
OpenID bonne-amie said...

I vote for #4 because there's no way that one could ever have looked good.

4:36 PM  
Blogger Abril said...

I might be crazy, but I don't find #4 that bad...#5 on the other hand has my vote.

4:36 PM  
Blogger Magatha said...

All I can say is that I'll never be able to look at you people in the same light ever again. ;-)

I vote number 5. So nasty '80s, I can almost feel the scratchy 3 day beard and smell the no socks in Topsiders.

I believe number 1 has 'set decorated' the living room to achieve a full level of freak-out messy ambiance in order to sway the vote.
(I'm just teasing E. I can see it used to be a purty fancy couch.)

4:41 PM  
Blogger Kelley said...

I'm going to go with #4, because while #1 is ugly, at least it looks halfway comfy.

4:42 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Mags is on to me: we had the "stagers" in before the photoshoot. Stagers are ages 6 and 12, btw.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Couch number 4 is the ugliest. Hands down!

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #4. It never had a chance to be anything but(t) ugly!


5:53 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

I see a big difference between ugly, and wear and tear. I vote for number four!

6:21 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

I vote for the smartass, number 7! I don't own a couch either and was toying with the idea of sending you a pic of the empty spot where it should be. Great minds think alike!

6:47 PM  
Anonymous birdie said...

I liked the first one the best.

In regards to that picture of Rene Zelweger...the way her head is positioned it reminds me of when I'd pop the head off of my Barbie dolls and then shove it too far back down her neck.
Do you think if I shook her, her head would rattle?

8:46 PM  
Blogger cpurl17 said...

A vote for #5. The 80's fabric is the stuff of nightmares.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Tactless Wonder said...

Hmmm I am torn between 4 & 7 as well.

It's a comradery (sp?) thing...No I don't own a couch either...or much of any furniture, really.

But #4 is more fare to the rules. Had #7 drawn herself an ugly couch, she might have been in the running...

9:39 PM  
Anonymous etcgirl said...

I gotta vote for #1, since that's the one that looks most like my chesterfield. Worn-out spots and all. (Only, mine is off-white. Seriously. Off white. For a sofa. *boggles*)

10:14 PM  
Blogger coastergirl said...

choices, so many choices!

1 really spoke to me - but I think it was more that I find a kindred spirit with the owner - we both have similar housekeeping skills (or lack thereof) - but I can see someone loving this couch and thinking it was the bees knees (and they probably used that phrase too!)

5 is close - but the pillows -do- match the fabric....

4 HAS to be the winner - it was ugly to start - and is still ugly. And it could be a torture device too! Wicked.

(and the deadline for voting is my birth-anniversary - more wicked!)

12:21 AM  
Blogger Gwen said...

Close call between #8 and #5, but I'll go with #5. The lack of feet (is that the word?) on the hideous 1980's #5 tipped the scales.

Dudes - #4? I'm totally loving the retro chic going on here.

11:21 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

#5. I think I can smell it from here. And you just know what it smells like - and it's not good.

12:39 PM  
Blogger Disco said...

#4 is totally fugulous and gets my vote. That orange and brown so reminds me of a similar couch we had in the 70's.

I literally gasped when I saw #1. That household needs no more 'stuff', so no prizes for them ;-)

1:56 PM  
Blogger Purple E said...

#4. I think it says it all.

4:57 PM  
Blogger Magatha said...

I agree with Gwen, #4 was once a chic moderne couch. I've visited houses all done up in Swedish modern furniture as a child in 60s Arizona that had couches very similar to that. We had one at my house in the 60s except it was striped cotton and not wooly plaid. I believe my brother still has it, recovered.

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Becky said...

#4 is definately the ugliest damn couch I've seen in a long time... I mean, that fabric! It's painful to look at. Hell, even when the couch was NEW it was ugly!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

As bad as #1 is, I'm going with #4.

Why? Cause Hubby #1 brought home an old, really old thing like that in some freakishly ugly fugly green print. Guess it was a good thing that my dog back then,,as a puppy, decided to use the whole damn couch as a teething toy. Betcha this one will do the same thing that if the fabric is torn,, the disintergrating foam will come pouring out of it!

12:46 AM  
Blogger TheBlackSheep said...

Excellent contest!

It's got be number four. That one would be ugly if it were all new and shiny.

8:34 AM  
Blogger 5elementknitr said...

I say #4 because, not only is it ass ugly, it also looks like it would break any ass that sat on it. Uncomfortable both on the eyes and the body.

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, #5 is the butt ugliest thing I ever saw! Gads! Who ever let that see the light of day ought to be drawn and quartered and publically mocked! Its SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO gross! Yuck! I need to gouge my eyes out after seeing that and scrub with bleach.

Posted by someone who in no way knows or heaven forbid is related in any way with the sad owner of sad couch. no way no how. uh-uh- never meet the friggin person!

11:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Numba 5. It's the only one with no saving grace.

12:44 PM  
Blogger weezalana said...

Can I pick Renee Zellweger? No?

Hmmm, then I'm going to have to go against the tide here and cant my vote for #7. Go smartass!

11:50 AM  
Blogger Alisha said...

Crap, i thought I had till the 29th to vote. Darn.

Well I think the reason I never got to posting when I read this the other day was the fact that I was suffering major anxiety attacks after seeing the first couch.

Good Lord I am by no means a clean freak. I live in a shitty needs a ton of work home but that clutter is insane. How can one function in that?

12:01 AM  

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