Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Sex and the Spindle

I talked myself down from those urges of a wheel.

Especially when I heard how much marriage counselling sessions were going to be.


We've got an appointment on Saturday to be "interviewed" by Montclair Marriage Shrinker. She's a professor at Montclair State University (I will refrain from calling it "MSU" as the locals do for as the mid-Michigan readers of this blog will know there's only one true "MSU" and the M doesn't stand for Montclair) and she does shrinking on the side (ok so she's technically probably just a counselor/therapist, but "shrink" just sounds cooler!). As such, she's kind of picky about who she takes on as clients.

Let's just say that one session with her costs $20 more than the wheel I was lusting after.

But it's OK. Spinning's not going anywhere. And I'm still half determined to figure out a way to make a ghetto-riffic wheel. I just need to get up close and personal with a "real" wheel to figure out the basics.

I'm sort of hoping this chick doesn't charge us full price to "interview" us. Or if she does we get something out of it. And by "get something out of it" I mean more than just a feeling whether we want to retain her ourselves since essentially an interview goes both ways.

In the meantime while I wait to win the lottery and kiss my financial insecurities (imagined and otherwise) goodbye, I did--for less than $10--buy a spindle.

I'm not sure why given my brief fling in 2006 with a spindle.

That was like awkward teenager sex.

You hear all of this hype about how great sex is so you jump into bed with the first pimply faced boy that shows you the time of day and you fumble around all naked like inserting his Tab A into your Slot B.

You rinse, repeat, and then think "That was it? That wasn't that exciting at all!"

That was my first attempt at drop spindling.

This time around seems to be different.


This time I've invested in (while still cheap--only $6.50!) a nicer spindle. It's handmade and just feels better than that first shitty spindle I had.

You can see behind the spindle this attempt isn't a cat-barfy-poo looking either.

I'm discovering I don't hate spinning with a spindle as much.

I'm having Year 2 Marriage Sex with this spindle.

I've gone beyond that teenage sex with pimple faced boys to having it with a man who's pledged to have sex with only me the rest of his life.

It's not as clumsy, but it's not quite that exciting--my finished product isn't 100% professional looking.

I haven't reached that stage in my spindling where the product looks beautifully spun.

Or to continue with the sex metaphor, I'm not yet to the point where I'm comfortable blindfolding and tying my naked husband up to the headboard and doing unspeakable kinky things to him.

If anything, right now I'm kind of faking it.

Notice I haven't used the word "drop" when describing my current spindle. That's because I'm not coordinated enough to let the spindle "drop" while spinning the yarn.

I roll it on my thigh.

Maybe this is like faking an orgasm?

I really don't plan on teaching myself to drop the spindle and do it the traditional way.

I want to see how far I can go doing it the way I'm doing it now.

Hm, maybe I am ready for the kinky stuff.



Blogger Dkswife said...

You are just a nut!

The spindle is very pretty! Go ahead, drop it! ;p

6:22 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Much improved. And I like the purple.
I think you might want to dabble in the kinky.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Ina said...

Nice spindle! Thigh-rolling is a perfectly fine technique used in many accomplished spinning cultures. The purple singles looks lustrous - what's the fiber?

Good luck with the counseling interview. If there's lack of clarity about the fee for the interview (and subsequent sessions, if any) or what will happen in the interview, those seem like fair questions to raise ahead of time.

8:22 AM  
Blogger sgeddes said...

Nice looking spindle! I think rolling as opposed to dropping is a completely valid method of using the spindle. Maybe I say that because that's how I usually use one too!

Those shrinkers are expensive! I have seen some neat looking homemade wheels. A lot of them seem to use bicycle wheels.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

hee hee hee! yer funny.i live near a MIT, that is in no way MIT... Morrison Institute of Technology... but those kids can just keep on thinking they go to MIT, whatever.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

I have a "drop" spindle that I've had for eight or nine years. I still can't use it.

As for making your own "ghetto" wheel, have you seen this? My engineer husband is going to make me one ... someday ... maybe ;). I think he's waiting for me to master the spindle, which I won't, but maybe since my daughter has, he'll invest the time to make one for "us" :).

9:18 AM  
Anonymous etcgirl said...

Great. Here I am, getting along just fine downloading occasional pr0n on the internets, and you go off extolling the virtues of doing it with a TOOL!

I'm struggling to hang onto my plain, vanilla missionary fibre play. Now you've planted all these "make your own yarn" fantasies, like it's something normal people should do.

Shame on you! At least turn the lights out, for decency's sake!

10:08 AM  
Blogger Magatha said...

I always knew you yarn spinners were a bunch of perverts.

I am too prudish to spin. I will never spin, unless naked and cold. Only then if I can wrestle a sheep to rob it of its wool. Otherwise I'll have to go down to the Pima Rez in Scottsdale to wrestle me some cotton bolls.

Good post there budday!

10:11 AM  
Blogger Pam the Yarn Goddess said...

While many people like spinning with a spindle (and I congratulate you on getting to first base), it's always felt like masturbating to me. If you use a Navajo spindle, you roll it on your thigh (or, for that matter, a regular spindle... if you so desire). A wheel, on the other hand, allows you to sit there naked and pump your legs (just like with a partner). You are, in fact, working with a partner, pumping away, getting hot and sweaty, rocking back and forth on your chair, and and and...

I need a cold drink.

Oh... and congrats on your sessions. I hope they solve the problems that are keeping you in such misery. I'm with you in spirit. :)

10:34 AM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

I am looking for good plans for a spinning wheel so my husband can make me one. If I find some, I'll pass it on. I mean how hard can it be? People made them before machines made them? I made a drop spindle and I am not very good with it. I may have to invest in a real one and that may help. It's a fascinating process but it will take me years to spin a skein of yarn and that's not even worrying about how even it is!

I am a Montclair alumna. To me it will always be MSC. What's wrong with being a college? And don't your health benefits have some coverage for counseling sessions?

10:46 AM  
Blogger Helen said...

yeah, check your insurance (although I'm sure you have...) it should give you SOME sort of "deal" stinky.

maybe a bicyle wheel? I've never taken a tire off one to really see it, but wouldn't that work? hmmm

11:20 AM  
Blogger Olga said...

You need to to go see my shrink-heh

Soooo- what if you still hate sex, I mean spinning- after all this time?

11:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh! You girls are soooooo funny!!!
Your father wanted me to take up spinning. He thought that I could spin, weave, and sew my own quilt fabric. I'll see if I can find that book he gave me on spinning.
Lately I have been hemming pants for a girl at work....I am not going to go into the measuring, cutting and sewing, I'll let your imagination take it. Love, Mom

11:59 AM  
Blogger weezalana said...

Well, all that rolling around your thigh would get anyone going, now wouldn't it? Maybe you should get some dog collars and spikes before you drop it...

12:15 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I think I've seen a bicycle wheel ghetto spinning wheel somewhere on the internet...

Also, check your library system for books on spinning. These are bound to have some technical descriptions of the parts of a wheel.

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Necia said...

Bez, you're more then welcome to borrow my Fricke. I would be in such great awe if you figured out how to replicate one on your own doing! LMK.


1:24 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

I like this spindle! It looks like a little wheel! at least you're spinning. Hope Miss Shrinkado turns out to be worth her weight in roving.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

You crack me up! Hope the sex..err. spinning continues to improve. You've made a lovely start on the purple! Now you've got me all confused, spinning, sex...spinning=sex?

And if you figure out how to make a ghettoriffic wheel, let us all know...I could stand to save some $$ too!

2:08 PM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

Oh my goodness Bezzie! You crack me up!! Thanks for making my day here at work! Hope the sex continues to go well...bring on the kinky!

5:16 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

You're a trip! Is it bad that I don't even know what s pindle is?

5:20 PM  
Anonymous knittingkitty said...

Ahhh..comparing spinning to sex. This is why I read your blog.

There is a spindle out there called a Spindolyn that is supposed to be really affordable and neat. The action of the drop spindle but it spins in a base so you don't have that pesky 'drop' part of it.

7:09 PM  
Blogger janna said...

Yes, to me U of I will always mean Illinois, but where I'm at now, it's always Iowa, which just seems wrong to me..... (just because I work at the U of Iowa doesn't mean I'm used to it!)

You know, I still have very little desire to spin. Sometimes I think it looks cool, but mostly it seems like it would just take away from my knitting time. But you go ahead and spin away -- like others, I"m sure I've seen instructions for ghettoriffic home-made wheels. I'll be waiting to see yours!

7:37 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

I like your spindle too, hehe..um..**cough** thanks for a great post! :) And if anyone can make a wheel from almost nothing, it is you!

10:34 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I'm wondering if all relationships with a drop spindle go like this. After a first pipmley-faced disaster last year, I tried to find another spindle and a little professional guidence and it went much better. I don't want to tell you what happened when I met the wheel though. You'll have to wait for the video ;)

6:38 AM  
Blogger The Curly Knitter said...

Good luck. I think spindles take a lot of practice and patience. I did not have the patience but I'm sure you can swing it!

6:40 AM  
Blogger bigevilgrape said...


several people on the site that shall not be named have them as their avatars. You could also invest in some spinning lessons to see if you like spinning on a wheel before you buy one/make one.

6:16 AM  
Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

I took to the wheel much quicker than I did the spindle. I could use a spindle until I got myself a little small light bosworth. The heavier, the harder it was.

6:45 PM  

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