Friday, September 25, 2009

Back To School

Back to reality.

Last night was back to school night at Chunky's school.

Oh you know it's going to be a good time when you are walking into the school behind a mom sporting muffin top and shorty-shorts!!!

Luckily I was about 10 minutes late.

I say luckily because the night started with the Principal giving a speech that was akin to an Oscar acceptance speech where they thank everyone down to the caterers of the movie.

I'm all about giving the teachers through the lunch lady their props--but when you've crammed 300+ parents into a teeny gym on an unusually hot fall night, it gets kind of old.

Then they introduced the HSA (Home School Association--the modern PTA I suppose) moms. They are basically the same moms from last year but they just changed positions. The Secretary is now the Treasurer, the President is now the Vice President--you get the picture. This just further gives me suspicions that the Soprano Moms (as I have dubbed them) are indeed running a basil racket.


After the Principal's speech we were released to our kids' classrooms to sit through a presentation by their respective teacher.

As I was sitting there waiting for the presentation to start and as I finished up my letter to Chunky (they wrote us little letters and laid them out on their desk), in walked this woman. You might recognize her as Teresa from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.


Ok, not really. She was about 30 pounds heavier, five inches of hair higher, and two shades of fake orange darker.

Hee hee. Yes, I am so judgmental. I can't help it. It's keeps things light.

It's like living in Alaska and realizing that your neighbors really DO live in an igloo!

Overall I'm glad I went. The teacher had some good tips for us and gave us a brief overview of the way the school year will be shaping up.

I also got to check out the bulletin board of "flat" kids that the kids made at home over the summer and brought in.

You'll recall Flat Chunky:


Chunky easily had the best one.

However my favorites included the kid who drew himself with a mohawk and a "Drowning Pool" tshirt (a completely inappropriate even by this lenient mom's point of view band for a kid of 7 to be listening to) and the girl who used REAL LOCKS OF HER OWN HAIR on her flat kid. I'm all about edgy, but eww.

Finally before I go--Dr. Mad Scientist has an assignment!!! They paired him with another Dr. (we're not sure what kind of Dr. though) high school science teacher with an even crazier mishmash of letters in her last name than ours! Yay! Hopefully he'll be able to get into the classroom next week!

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Blogger Erin said...

Good to hear you made it through ok! These flat kids are disturbing - esp. the girl using her hair. WOW.

8:34 PM  
Blogger BammerKT said...

Did you even think you had to tell us that Flat Chunky was the best? Was there ever any doubt?

9:39 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Where is our pic of muffin top mom???
Gasp-her own hair??? ewww....
Good for DMS!!

9:56 PM  
Blogger Yeah So said...

Yay for Dr MS!

And every state has their own breed, thats for sure. Being biased, I'd like to say that the NJ italians are far more "colorful" than the ones here in NY (some of who I am reluctant to admit, I am related to).

10:30 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Congrats to Dr MS. I love teaching high school science - the kids are great, and pretty entertaining most of the time.

6:45 AM  
Blogger Coco, not as in Chanel :) said...

You have Soprano mom's and we have Redneck Mammers here in SWMO.

Maybe we should an Ultimate Fighting match...who would win? It would come down to who could open up the 50-gallon can of Whoop Ass first -- tee hee hee

And yes, Roy D. Mercer would be the MC of the event! :)

7:10 AM  
Blogger Batty said...

Well, if Dr. Mad Scientist starts knocking over banks and we start seeing pictures of you with orange spray paint and ridiculous hair and glittery yarn, we'll know what he's doing for a living!

7:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah! DrMS has a school! Yeah! Chunky was the best flat kid! Love, Mom

7:55 AM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

Woohoo for Dr. MS.

I also had Back to School night and mine sounds exactly like yours except I couldn't actually hear the principal's 20 minute speech because of all the rude parents talking over her.

Dude, I've never seen so many Biffs and Buffys in my life!

7:59 PM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

What fun is a Back to School night if you can't "observe" the other parents? And I've always wondered if women with muffin tops don't see them or don't care. I think they're wading in that river in Egypt.

8:06 PM  
Blogger DPUTiger said...

Damn. I was so hoping you were going to have a good table-flipping story! Oh well!

9:59 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

Congrats to Dr MS!
I like parents night- sounds like your people watching was much better than mine though!! I always love to see the super dressed up people who look like they are going to a wedding or something, heehee.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

If they order pizza for the class, maybe they should just use the name "Smith".

I've taken to skipping the Open House events as much as possible. The grade school ones are pretty painless: go in, see the desk, peak in the specials rooms (art, music, gym), then go eat some ice cream in the cafeteria and leave.

Middle school and High school are much more elaborately choreographed, with endless Blah blah blah from teachers, then endless pointless Q & A from parents. It's a whole evening commitment. I figure, if Owen loses his motivation and starts floundering, then I'll go in and talk to the teachers. Until then, it's his gig, not mine.

12:26 PM  

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