Thursday, October 22, 2009

Lifetouch Sucks

Oh yes. I said it. And I said it loud and clear on my highly google-able blog title there.

Gather 'round fellow consumers, some of which I know have school-aged children of who may have Lifetouch take their school pictures.

Approximately 4 weeks ago I ordered this:


That would be Package F consisting of 2-3x5s; 2-2x3s; 4-1.5x2.5s; and a class portrait. This was for $17.

I tacked on EXTRA F. Which was one 8x10 portrait. This was for $10.

My total was $27.

Lifetouch cashed my check on October 1.

Today Chunky brought home his pictures.


Notice anything missing? Like a $10 8x10 portrait?

The only reason I ordered a "package" is so I could get the extra 8x10. The next package that offered an 8x10 cost $31.


I love my kid, but who the hell needs 22 pictures in various sizes of their child? Especially in this digital age.

Maybe some of you do. But I don't.

I wanted an 8x10 to hang on the wall in my living room that's molding from the water leaking in from the ceiling hole.

I need one wallet size to put on the wall of my half cubicle to remind me why I'm even bothering staying at that shithole. And that's it. I don't even give Dr. Mad Scientist a wallet size. When people ask to see pictures of our kids--we send them to our family blog address.

So in a full on bitch-fit I claw through the assorted paperwork to see if there's a number I can call.

Nestled between sheet upon sheet of documents informing me of how I can reorder pictures of my kid in even more sizes and packages and in nifty little keepsakes like a toilet paper cozy with your kid's smiling mug on it..I find a phone number for the local Lifetouch office.

I call and find out from their message that they're open from 8:30 to 4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday.


Did you read my post a little ways back where I spoke about how we're stretched really thin at work? I came in early today, my desk is dusting in breadcrumbs from all the peanutbutter sandwich lunches I've been eating at my desk while working, and Mondays and Tuesdays (the days that Dr. Mad Scientist can't pick up the kids) are the only two days I can actually leave at 5:00 p.m. anymore.

When the hell am I supposed to call this stupid company when I'm at work?

I go online to find their national number.

I call it.

And I'm on hold for FIFTEEN MINUTES. I'm about to hang up because at this point Moochie is screaming his head off and Chunky is no longer able to entertain him.

But then--a real human gets on the other line.

As I shout to her the explanation of what happened over the Moochie screams (he was tired and there's no consoling a Mooch that's exhausted) she promises to mail out the 8x10 portrait.

She gets all my information and gives me my job number and confirmation number and informs me that I should have my picture in three to five weeks. FIVE WEEKS?

WHAT THE HELL? Five weeks? That's nearly Christmas. Chunky won't even LOOK like the kid in the photo by then!

What I really wanted to do was rip this woman a new one. But I couldn't because:

a.) it's not her fault that the picture order was screwed up. She's just dealing with pissed off parents because her coworkers can't do their jobs; and

b.) Moochie was SCREAMING.

Oh and the one time I did get him to hush while I was on the phone--the damn towel rack fell off of the wall in the bathroom. No. There are no towels on it. Yes, the screws anchoring the towel rack are 2" long. Little Miss Customer Service even heard it fall. Nice.

Ok, while they did make good on their mistake I'm still giving them a shitlist spot because they have my money and I don't get what I paid for for two months. Not to mention I got to be on hold for 15 minutes when I had many other things I could have been doing.

I'm on the shortend of this stick.

This whole Lifetouch debacle was the dingleberry on top of the shit sundae that was my day.

I should have just learned and done the pictures myself. I did it one year when Chunky took this really AWFUL picture and they didn't offer retakes (I don't think that was Lifetouch). I wasn't about to shell out money for those pictures. Ugh. He "smiled" like had swallowed a lemon.

To Chunky's credit--his smile was wonderful in these pictures. Not quite a smirk, not quite a grin. I love it!

Now I'm off to take a survey they ask you to take on the back of the envelope they don't put all your pictures in.

Ooo! I can get a JCPenney Portraits gift coupon if I complete the survey.

But guess what? JCPenney Portraits--you're on my shitlist too for being affiliated with this inept company!!!

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