Thursday, November 05, 2009

Dear Sir or Madam Will You Read My Ad?

My sister T. thinks that no one reads the words on packaging and in advertisements.

(She obviously has never read Penny Karma's pieces on Inspirational Tampons.)

These are the words she toils away at at her job as a copywriter.

Maybe it's because of her or because I'm weird (probably a little bit of both) that I've been finding the latest batch of crap in the mail and newspaper oh so hilarious.

It's starting to be holiday time and I think this holiday season people are actually realizing the economy is in the shitter.

I think the sentiment was there last year too--but people were still a bit dazed about it and some were still in denial.

This year it's really sunk in.

The ads are starting to reflect this more--as they encourage us to spend our non-existent or stretched thin dollars.

My favorite has to be this one from Downy.


It reads: "Staying in is no reason your alluring side shouldn't come out. Express every side a touch more with Downy Simple Pleasures. Renewing scent pearls release with your embrace. So from alluring to serene, daring and beyond, you can feel more."

Hells yeah. If I use Downy I'm going to skip going to the dinner and movie and get laid instead!

Take that copy and replace the word "Downy Simple Pleasures" with "KY Personal Lubricant" and read it again.


And then there's my favorite store that I hate going to because it's full of dumbass shoppers and two cashiers working the registers with 15 registers sitting empty on Saturdays at 2:00 p.m. when it's raining and every one's there--Target.

Target's mailer to me was full of coupons for "up & up" their "new line of value basics."

These are products that they claim to have created on a few simple beliefs:

"the things you need can also be the things you want.

a store brand can be as reliable as your favorite name brand.

and quality and value can be best friends forever.

here's to looking up."

Apparently not the first word in a sentence and using fragments is also on the up & up.

It must save money in ink if they don't capitalize the first letter and leave out the subject of the sentence.

Their coupons crack me up because they read like bad fortune cookies.


"nothing says 'i love you' like good hygiene."

Shit, this probably means I should go change my underwear and brush my teeth huh?


"bandages should be as comforting as the hug they come with."

If I made bandages they would make you feel like you should suck it up and be a man--it's just a paper cut! Quit your crying!

Also: "moisturizing is like a vacation for your skin."

Using cheap moisturizer is like a vacation for your skin where it rains and you get stuck in a crappy hotel room where you can hear the guy next door to you snoring, the door lock is broke and you have to prop a chair under the doorknob keep it secure, and the sheets on the bed have some odd stains on them and smell of stale cigarette smoke.

Thank god I don't moisturize my skin. It likes to stay home and avoid the hassle of vacations.

You know how it is--you moisturize and then it's like you need a moisturizer from your moisturizer. Exhausting!

And finally:


"sometimes happieness is as simple as a good fabric softener."

Wow. Maybe I'm not using the right fabric softener.

Don't tell the pharmaceutical companies about this--soon we won't need Viagra to get laid or Prozac to feel happy--we'll just need fabric softener!!

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Blogger Donna Lee said...

And all this time, I have been taking the fabric softener for granted. I'll look at it with new respect and interest.

Who knew washing the clothing could be so rewarding? Does this mean more men will want to do the laundry (for the sexiness of it?)

7:12 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

That stuff is pretty funny when you stop and think about it.

7:25 AM  
Blogger knottygnome said...

i love this post.

8:10 AM  
Blogger BammerKT said...

You're so funny today, I'm keeping this open to show my husband when he comes home from work.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Deeners said...

Maybe that is what is wrong. Instead of using fabric softener I use felted wool balls. I should have known I was doing it wrong.

great post

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew there was a reason why I diluted my fabric softener!!! Six kids were enough!!! Love, Mom

8:47 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

I think these guys have taken the whole sex sells a little too far, but, hey, it worked for cars, right?

9:14 AM  
Blogger Mag said...

Target is the one with the ads during Mad Men that coin the new word, "Frugalista". Bezzie, would you refer to yourself as a "frugalista"? LOL!

All ha-ha aside, Target has a great ad team. Those ads really do make one look and think. Now if only they had self check outs so I wouldn't have to engage in any way with anyone who works there. ;-)

9:57 AM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

hehehhe....I think I'm not going to just toss those things directly into the recycle bin anymore. I may have to read for the funnies!

10:59 AM  
Blogger DPUTiger said...

I did the "bad motel" that you describe once. ::shudder:: I will do my best to never repeat that experience. It's worth a little extra cash to be able to sleep comfortably and to not feel the need to jam a chair under the doorknob.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Coco, not as in Chanel :) said...

Perfect post. I love it.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Silly me, I've been tossing this stuff in the recycling without reading it and missing this laugh riot.
Thanks for the link to Inspirational Tampons: just brilliant.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

Crap, I must be using the wrong fabric softener. Mine doesn't quite work like that. LOL

6:06 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Ha, ha, Bezzie, you crack me up! My husband thinks it's strange that I sniff the laundry detergent and fabric softener at the store before I buy it. I told him I have to, so I won't buy anything that smells bad to me!

9:20 PM  
Blogger Alisha said...

Oh my heavens...what a hoot! I need me some of those happy fabric softener sheets LOL

Brilliant post!

My fav is the "have a happy period" that was on the label of the kotex maxi pads....a man so thought that one up I am sure!

10:05 PM  
Blogger Ina said...

Very educational. I didn't know liquid fabric softener could be so, erm, personal.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

I love the 'nothing says I love you like good hygeine'!

10:13 AM  
Blogger Rebel said...

LOVE the hygeine one!!!

4:52 PM  
Blogger Batty said...

Remember the "Hot is the new cold" commercial? Let me paraphrase: "Stupid is the new smart!"

Sometimes, I wonder what goes on in marketing departments when nobody is looking.

6:36 PM  
Anonymous sarah said...

Tell T labels really are fun to read!

5:58 AM  
Blogger Carol said...

Too damn funny. Tiwsted, but funny.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

Damn! I don't use fabric softener. That must be why I never get laid. And if you loved me you'd take a bath.

5:22 PM  
Blogger Penny Karma said...

I totally want that job.

I saw that Target mailer and thought I couldn't be the only one who thought it was funny! Yay for similarly twisted sense of humor!

P.S. This morning my tampon told me to Be Passionate. I told it to fuck off.

1:34 PM  
Blogger kt said...

snickering like mad over here and garnering weird looks from my redhead.


11:46 PM  

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