Wednesday, November 04, 2009

NSFW! The Pink Monster Emerges!

You've been warned!

Screw WIP Wednesday.

The Pink Monster is DONE!

First a little back story--and you'll see where this is going really fast!

It all started with an email forward that a friend that I used to work with back in Michigan sent me.

It contained this picture (I can't remember the joke, just the picture--these are NOT my old coworkers--it's just a random dirty email forward).

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It's like the porno version of the Joy Luck Club. Yeah, easy movie title to porno-ize there. (My apologies to Amy Tan, I enjoy her books and liked The Joy Luck Club.)

Anyway, you can figure it out can't you?

A few emails went back and forth and soon I was casting on what has been known as The Pink Monster.

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Do you have any idea how fast Dr. Mad Scientist came running when I yelled for him to come into the kitchen and take pictures of my boobs?

Now this isn't a new concept. There are boob scarves knit here (sorry, that's a Ravelry link--she didn't have the pattern posted on her blog like The Place That Shall Not Be Named (But Just Was) indicated, here, and if you're feeling spendy you can buy one for nearly $50 here.

The first two I really don't like because, well I don't know about you, but Laverne and Shirley aren't looking at my feet...yet.

And the third one is nice, but there's something about the glued on nipple I don't really like (anyone seen Mallrats and remember Mdm. Ivannah the three nippled psychic?).

Here are the official deets.

Pattern: The Pink Monster boob scarf, sort of made up by me. The actual boobies are based heavily on Tit Bits.

Yarn: Red Heart!!! In like Rose and some red I lost the label for.

Needles: US7

Notes: The hardest part of knitting this scarf? Visualizing it in the design stage and seaming the boobs to the scarf. That part sucks.

Now I could have knit it all in one tube--but what I did was after I knit the tit-bits, I didn't bind them off, I left 2/3rds of the stitches live and on waste yarn. I took the other third of the live stitches and used that as a base for my cast-on for the tube of the scarf. I had to be careful to use the right side of the boobie so that when you flipped it up onto the scarf it was the right side.

I grafted both ends of the scarf together (the back half of the scarf graft isn't so hot either--I got turned around all wonky when I was kitchenering), sewed the ends of the tubes together, and then stuffed the titties and sewed them from the live stitches onto the scarf.

I suppose I could have bound off those 2/3rds of a stitch and turned them under a bit, but I didn't want too much of a "lip" where the boobie met the scarf.

Instead I got frankensteinian stitch-ish marks around the boobies instead.

And I'm sure that someone reading this will go "Why didn't you just do XY or Z instead of doing it the way you did?" and it will make perfect less-complicated sense.

But then you will know why I'm not a designer! Ha ha!

Oh and I can't forget the rose tattoo my friend requested--that was a pain in the ass to sew on as I was stuffing and seaming the boobie--but it was so worth it. I love the way it looks.

And if you're ever in China--apparently they actually sell these things. In case you're not willing to knit your own!

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27 Comments:

Blogger Donna Lee said...

I love that photo of your ex coworkers. (and Amy Tan writes the most interesting books). You are infinitely clever coming up with all of these things.

7:45 AM  
Blogger Carol said...

Fabulous! and the rose tattoo is inspired. So cool

8:02 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

LOVE THIS! You totally crack me up.

8:08 AM  
Blogger knottygnome said...

you are beyond silly.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Shrinky Inky said...

bahahahahahhaha - WIN! fantastic!

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I saw the close up of the "Pink Monster" I said to myself "That's my Boobie!" That thing is really funny. Aren't you glad that I let you pratice knitting boobies for me? Thank you for the laugh that starts my day. Love, Mom

8:44 AM  
Blogger Christy D. said...

That is a terrific scarf! Most importantly, you have to wear it out somewhere and blog about the reactions you get :)

9:36 AM  
Blogger Trillian42 said...

You are insane.

And I mean that in the absolute best way possible.

9:47 AM  
Blogger Mag said...

Very funny. All we're missing here are some nipple rings for those pop ups.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Tactless Wonder said...

Brings a little tune to my head...Adapted, of course, from the guy version:

Do yer boobs hang low?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do yer boobs, hang, low?

9:58 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

Gah! Bezzie, you are going to get me into trouble at work!

11:08 AM  
Blogger Wendy said...

I don't which is funnier - the photo at the beginning, or you fondling your ... er ... scarf ;).

12:02 PM  
Anonymous maryannlucy said...

Ha ha ha ha! ROFLOL!! I love you latest FO - fab design....ha ha

4:47 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

hahahahaha...that scarf is fabulous!!! You are wild!!

6:18 PM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

Hahahaha! Will you actually wear it outside?

6:22 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

I'll tell you, that was the laugh I needed today :-)

Nice rack, I hope you get lots of wolf whistles when you wear 'em.

8:53 PM  
Blogger DPUTiger said...

Excellent.

10:30 PM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

Love your boobs Bezzie!!! hehehehe...Seriously! This post is why I heart your blog!!

hehehe..my word verification is "mugher"

11:08 PM  
Blogger Coco, not as in Chanel :) said...

Oh my gosh. Hilarious. I love it!

4:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it!!! Are they 36 longs? What about a long stem rose...I actually know someone that has a rose tat on her boob & it is becoming a long stem rose. Love, Aunt Susan

10:30 AM  
Blogger weezalana said...

I got that email from my FIL last year! It would have been funny, but it came from my FATHER-IN-LAW.

8:10 PM  
Blogger Alisha said...

LOL I love it!

And here the whole time I thought he pink monster was actually going to be a knitted monster.

10:10 PM  
Blogger LBorealis said...

Hahaha! Awesome! Best thing ever!

6:23 AM  
Blogger Rebel said...

Those are awesome!!!

4:50 PM  
Anonymous sarah said...

That's great!!

5:56 AM  
Blogger JRS said...

That is an absolutely brilliant scarf! Have you worn it to the bar across the street? Or to the law firm? I love it!

btw, the ladies in that photo are definitely Japanese, not Chinese. But still, the picture rocks.

11:27 AM  
Blogger sgeddes said...

Excellent! Yours is the best - and I love the rose tatoo!

3:25 PM  

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