Monday, March 08, 2010

As I Sit Here Broken Hearted

...tried to shit, but only farted.

I read that on the wall of an outhouse somewhere in Alaska.

It smells like excrement in my apartment.

I guess the good thing is that the landlord* was nice enough to get his shit together and finally get someone out here today to pump the feces out of the basement.

Which is good. But, like I mentioned, it smells like shit in here now.

And of course it's not quite warm enough to open the windows to air the place out.

I appreciate that they waited til tonight when we came home to commence shit-sucking. That was nice of them to hold off until we could enjoy the full on stank of human fecal matter.

I want to give a shout out to Poops and Jersey Knitter for putting me in touch with some local realtor leads. I love that poop is the straw that crippled the camel, and it's Poops that's helping me out. Ha ha!

And to answer some questions--yes, a lot of apartment rentals out here are handled by realtors. I thought it was weird too myself when we landed in NJ. Not sure why, but I'm sure there's a reason.

The search is coming along.

The only thing that's really holding me back are these:


The cats.

I love them to death. But pet-friendly coupled with the requirement that I stay in this elementary school section of town (our town has 8 elementary schools and is approximately 5.3 square miles big. God bless over densely populated New Jersey!) makes this search extremely hard. It boils down to kid v. cat. What do I give up on? When do I give up? It's still too early to decide. Hopefully I won't have to.

Hopefully it will all turn out and we'll find a nice cat-friendly, non-squirrelly, shit-free apartment in this neighborhood.

*It's not so much Zorba's fault that this place is a dump. Zorba is a 77 year old incontinent man who is housebound, dealing with dementia and kidney failure and living on an extremely fixed income. However, he's got three sons that have Power of Attorney for his finances. They just don't care about this house.

I mean would you let your mother/father live like this? I don't care how much money I didn't have myself to help out my parents, there are other options.



Blogger turtlegirl76 said...

Do the sons even know the full extent of the issues of that house? One does wonder. I'm crossing my fingers you find a way out fast!

7:22 PM  
Blogger Lulah said...

I hope you get out of there fast! That poor man, it's too bad his son's didn't take more of an interest.

7:33 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I am sooo crossing my fingers for a new cheap, pet friendly apartment in the right district.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I am sooo crossing my fingers for a new cheap, pet friendly apartment in the right district.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I am sooo crossing my fingers for a new cheap, pet friendly apartment in the right district.

8:19 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

I thought that was an old fart sayin' (my age group LOL!);) Seriously, hoping you guys find something soon!!

8:56 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

sending pet friendly, correct location rental mojo!!!!

8:56 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:51 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

That has to be the funniest blog title ever!

Yikes, what a lousy thing to come home to! The ad for the house I'm renting now (no one really uses realtors to find rental properties here in the Cleveland area) said no pets, but I asked about my cat anyway, and my landlor was fine with me having her. If you find a house you like, it wouldn't hurt to ask the landlord if he or she would mind you having the cats (really, I don't see how a cat could do much damage to a rental property anyway).

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll find a nice, cat friendly, same school district place soon.

9:51 PM

9:53 PM  
Blogger Tactless Wonder said...

Fingers crossed over here too.

But as Laura says, see if they will make an exception for your cats...many times they say no pets b/c it's easier, but offering the usual pet deposit and showing how they are docile sleepy cats and not rabbid paint-eating puppies (I may have known one...) you might slide them on by.

10:21 PM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

At least the process has started. Crossing fingers you don't have to sacrifice the cat or the kid (Chunky is so cute!)!

11:37 PM  
Blogger Coco, not as in Chanel :) said...

I am sure breathing that crap isn't very good for you either...I hope you find something soon.

I hope you do not have to give your pets away. That is a huge reason why we do not travel anymore, our doxie has horrible epilepsy and while we can find hotels/motels that accepts pets, we cannot leave her in the room by herself the entire time we are out and about. And, boarding her is a no no. We tried that once, and she lost all her hair and had one seizure after another. Oh well...It's a good thing I like being at home.

4:24 AM  
Anonymous sarah said...

those kids should be out there visiting so they know how he lives.
Good luck with the hunt! I hope no furry critters have to find new homes :-(

5:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fingers & toes crossed for you guys finding a new place with everything you want.

Sad to say but Zorba's family probably knows actually what is going on. Less $$ for them when he goes to the Spirit in the Sky if they have to deal with rental issues.

Love, Aunt Susan

7:40 AM  
Blogger Mother Necessity said...

That's so awful - I understand your pain both about wanting to stay in the same school and the pets. It makes it harder, but it can be done. We also have the deal with the realtors - a big pain, and expensive to boot!

8:11 AM  
Blogger knottygnome said...

good luck with your search! i hope you find a pet friendly apt soon. (love the cat pic)

8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have my fingers,toes, eyes etc. crossed for you. Ugh! I can't imagine coming home to that smell!
That picture of DrMS....He has grafted a cat head to himself!!!
Love, Mom

8:24 AM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

I've lived in some sucky apartments (and we had the sewage issue, too. I called the Dept of Health at one point). I hope you all find a place that keeps Chunky in the same school. I was always the new kid when I was in elementary school and while it made it easy for me to learn to meet new people, it gets harder to be part of a group. And kids are all about groups.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Cindy in Happy Valley said...

What does it say about me - that no matter how dire your circumstances your blog posts make me giggle?


12:17 PM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Oy. Good thoughts coming your way to help you get out of all that dangerous drama. Shit sucks, moving sucks, worrying about the kitties sucks :-(

1:21 PM  
Blogger Woollycraft Workshops said...

We've had a very nasty smell in our house that has been getting progressively worse, I was thinking of you and your basement, it turned out our nasty smell was a decomposing mouse! (thanks smudge, nice pressie but I prefer chocolates!) Good luck, I hope you find somewhere soon.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

Oddly enough, guess what happened at my place on Sunday night? Yep, back up sewer. Luckily my neighbor caught it and called the landlord asap.

Good luck with the search. I'm hoping someone will be flexible about the cats.

Great title, btw.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

In In the World According to Garp, the family buys a house not in spite of, but because an airplane has crashed into it, so the chances of it happening again are infinitesimal. I'm thinking the sewer won't misbehave again at least.

10:05 AM  

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