Friday, March 05, 2010

Three Years Ago

It was a little over three years ago we nestled down into our New Jersey apartment.

In the past three years we've dealt with:

Squirrels living (and still living) in the ceiling and trying to get in through rain holes in the ceiling.

Mouse infestations.

Leaks in the ceiling.

Clogged bathtubs.

Clogged toilets. No pictures of that, but a nice visual picture for you.

Having to replace a melted oven knob (that the previous tenant melted) on an oven that is circa 1984. I also had to replace the ignitor on this oven too. Between that and the knob, that's about $100.

I think that's the whole of my laundry list of complaints.

This evening, Zorba the landlord's nurse came up frantically knocking on our door.

They had no hot water downstairs so she went down to the basement to investigate.

She ran up to get us because she was afraid that perhaps the water heater was leaking gas and this place could blow.

I went down to the basement with her.

Holy lord.

First off we couldn't even GET to the hot water heaters.


Because of the foot of standing SHIT WATER and TOILET PAPER CLUMPS in the basement.

So I couldn't tell what was up with her water heater. I did not smell gas though, so we're safe.

I am so disgusted though by what I saw down there.

We gotta get out of here.

The plan was to wait until September til Dr. Mad Scientist starts drawing a paycheck, but I'm not sure that's going to happen.

I'm thinking about just hiring a realtor to do the legwork for us.

I'm going to be VERY picky about where we serve the last three years of our New Jersey sentence.

I do NOT want to change Chunky's school. The kid has already had enough educational upheaval in his life.

I do NOT want vermin living in the ceiling.

I do NOT want fecal matter in the basement.

I do NOT want vermin in the ceiling (I can honestly deal with mice, mice happen. Even the best landlords have mice.)

I do NOT want to have to pay for appliance repair on appliances I do not OWN.

Cosmically enough, Douchebag Realtor who helped us find this place three years ago friended me on Facebook today. I'm not sure if I'd go with him again, but there's a foot of feces a mere 50 feet below me just festering.

Douchebag v. Pile of Shit.

Pile of Shit v. Douchebag.

I might have to go Douchebag.

Do any North Jersey peeps have any recommendations on a good realtor?



Blogger Carol said...

so holy SHIT! I once had a sewage backup in the basement. NOT FUN> and it was a little one cause we caught it quickly. Zorba's not doing anything? Time to househunt. ASAP! EWWWW

9:08 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

gross with a capital G!!!

9:12 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

Oh geesh!! Hoping you find a new place soon!!!

10:02 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

Ummm,,,, time to call the New Jersey Department of Health?

10:16 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

I was going to say, "wow! it's been three years already!", but ....

I am so sorry about how awful the place is for you guys ... and then, the nice neighborhood to top it all of ;). I think I'd unfriend douchebag and find someone else. There have to be other realtors in New Jersey.

11:18 PM  
Blogger IrishgirlieKnits said...

ugh. Holy shit is right?!!? All I can say is give it 24 hours to see if anyone has any rec's but then call douchebag. You can always dumb him after a week or two.

12:50 AM  
Blogger Coco, not as in Chanel :) said...

Good grief. Get out of that joint before someone catches a horrible disease...and I would call the Dept of Health asap.

5:56 AM  
OpenID pyewacketsid said...

For cripe's sake, please call the dept of health! That can't be legal. :(

Bezzie, realtors are everywhere. There are meh realtors and awesome realtors -- I've dealt with both in the last year. Find awesome. Or at least not Douchebag. ERA, Century 21, Remax, let your fingers do the walkin'!

6:22 AM  
Blogger T. Budnik said...

You win! I don't think anyone has had a worse renting experience than you.

I'm going to send you some good vibes while you look for a new place!


7:01 AM  
Blogger Discoknits said...

This decision is good news - seriously, how long before the whole house falls down into it's own basement of shit?!

But why would you employ someone again, after all he got you first time was this? Find someone new.

7:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep! time to get out of there! I would not go with the guy who found you this place, he should have checked this place and any other place out before renting. Good Luck!
Love, Mom

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy Sh** Batman!! Take pictures & call the Health Dept.

Good Luck with the househunt.

Love, Aunt Susan

10:13 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

I can't believe the Powers That Be let Zorba get away with that! Pretty soon, he won't have a house to live it. Does it have to be Douchebag Realtor? Can you work with someone else? Do all apartments there only get rented through realtors?

Good luck.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Wow, that's just crazy! I'd move too if were you! I imagine you're paying a nice chunk of rent, being there in NJ, so there's so reason for Zorba to be so cheap with the repairs! Not to mention that the sewing backing up surely has to be a housing code violation.

My husband and I once rented a house where the sewer started backing up in the basement while I was pregnant with my son, and every time we would turn on the central air, the smell would blow through the house.

My husband spent hours of his own time trying to unclog the drain, with his own equipment, but it kept clogging back up. Our cheap landlord at the time insisted the sewer never backed up while he lived there (right...) and it must have somehow been our fault.

He finally got a plumber out to fix it after I threatened to put our rent in escrow with the housing court. Turned out it was not our fault (like I already knew) - that the sewer line running out to the street hadn't been cleaned out in a good two decades (neglected maintenance), and that's what was clogging it. We ended up moving out before I had my son.

Life is too short to deal with nasty, lazy landlords!

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll find a nice place in the same school district.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

P.S. Try They have listings of rental homes on there (nationwide).

2:23 PM  
Blogger Tactless Wonder said...

Is he really not doing anything about it? Or are we just assuming this as he's not done anything about anything else? Because something will have to happen in order for the water heater to get looked at. (Fingers crossed)

I wish you massive amounts of luck for the new place hunt.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

Yep, you gotta move. If the school district is a problem, maybe you can keep the same address so far as the school knows. Would you trust Zorba to collect your mail? Know any of the neighbors? Around these parts people mostly don't use realators to find rentals. I have a friend with a flat who advertises it on Craig's list. You can check there. I can't believe it's three years. Enough.

7:30 PM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

I used Craiglist and got a no fee apartment. But around here, all the signs are for Weichert. They seem to be preferred here, though I have no personal experience with them.

You shouldn't have to live that way!

7:05 AM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

Oh and prices are typically lower in cold weather. Better to move now anyway! September is when they jack prices up (i moved in sept. and paid more bc I didn't want to switch Pi mid-year)

7:07 AM  
Anonymous sarah said...

I asked everyone up there I know if they know anything available. What a crapload, seriously, there is something wrong with your landlord.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

Good Luck!

7:12 AM  
Blogger Ina said...

The horror, the horror. I've asked realty-savvy friends to contact you with recommendations. Good luck!

12:12 PM  
Blogger Mag said...

Oh my effing G, Bezzie! Sending you my new apt finding luv.

10:47 AM  

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