Friday, January 21, 2011

Old Is New

I know retro is cool.

Some call it "vintage."

Some call it "throwback."

But sometimes the throwback makes me want to throw up.

Take today for example and my collision with "vintage" mentality.

Last night it snowed 4.3 inches. This morning, I got up at 5:45 a.m--like I always do on weekdays. I checked the messages to find Chunky's school was on a 1.5 hour delay and Dr. Mad Scientist's school was on a 2 hour delay.

I decided to scarf down my breakfast and go outside to shovel off our cars despite the fact we had plenty of time to do it.

I wanted to get out there and do it before Mr. Mooch awoke.

I met Upstairs Neighbor as he was leaving for work.

And all I heard from him was:

"Where the hell is Dr. Mad Scientist?"

"Why are you shoveling?"

"Why isn't he out here shoveling?"

"I haven't seen him shovel all winter!"

When I had finished brushing off my car and I moved on to brush of Dr. Mad Scientist's car, I got this doozy:

"You're not going to do HIS car now are you?!"

What the hell fucking decade/century am I living in???


I felt like asking him:

"Where's your wife? Why isn't she shoveling for you?"


A) It's not 19fuckin50 just because I don't have a penis doesn't mean I can't shovel some wussy-ass lower 48 snow off my damn car and my husband's car; and

B) The division of work in my marriage is our own damn fucking business.

While I do 90% of the chores, that's OK. I'm a self-admitted control freak and I want the floor mopped every other Saturday and everything swept and vacuumed every week and the laundry sorted a certain way.

I've seen Dr. Mad Scientist's idea of "clean" and it's not mine.

If I'm awake anyway, I'm going to brush and shovel our cars out.

Besides, Dr. Mad Scientist does the shit I hate doing--taking out the catboxes and cleaning the bathroom.

Oh and picking up the boys when I'm running late coming home from the ninth circle of hell work so I don't have to bust ass in traffic. That can be the stress cherry on a stress sundae.


Plus, as an aside, Dr. Mad Scientist's boots are falling apart.

The sole is peeling from the body on one of them. Big time. And those boots are his only pair of shoes.


But new boots are on the agenda for the weekend.

Because that's what all women like to do, right? Shop!



Blogger Carol said...

Oy. Nice attitude on the guy. And if he is going ot channel retro, why didn't HE come over and do your driveway/cars etc for you? Asshat.

8:22 PM  
Blogger Rebel said...

Dude... why does he care???

9:22 PM  
Blogger janna said...

That's not retro or vintage, that's just rude! I agree with Rebel - why does he care???

9:46 PM  
Blogger Zonda said...

Ugh!! You are so right none of his business! I'm sorta a control freak about certain things too ;) Mostly, if I don't do it, it won't be right LOL!

11:56 PM  
Blogger Peri said...

How marriages and family life work is down to the individual family. We get it loads because M does all the shopping and cooking....the sad thing is...on that subject I mainly cop an earful from other women!

4:00 AM  
Blogger T. Budnik said...

Yeah, how come Upstairs Neighbor didn't do the brushing off for you? He's a man.

You should have looked him straight in the eye and said, "Where I'm from, girls kick ass." And fingered your scraper real slow.


5:52 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Wow, that was awfully rude of him to make those comments.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

*snort* I agree with everyone who wonders why he didn't help you - all talk and no trousers.
(besides, none of this 'snow' lately is really snow. Canadian girls know better)
Hub and I divide things differently in our house too. I do most of the cooking by choice, but he does a *lot* of the cleaning. I'm hugely cluttered and can't be arsed to fix it, so he declutters what matters to him and ignores the rest ;-)
But, there's nothing I hate more than shoe-shopping for him. He's too damn fussy!

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

Did he expect you to shovel your car and not Dr MS's?? Wow, that's pretty spiteful.

My husband does the outside stuff here simply because he's a landscaper and he'd about die if the neighbors started giving him grief for me working out there. (actually the best way to light a fire under him is to go start an outside project)

I agree HE should have offered to shovel yours if he was so concerned that your daintyness would keel over from shoveling.

9:11 AM  
Blogger maryannlucy said...


Maybe you should have apologised for not doing his first!

11:54 AM  
Blogger knitting-cat said...

Maybe, he was trying to give you sympathy in case you were married to someone who does very little?

I work with many women who complain that the spouse does nothing, and they do it all. I do not get involved but I hate the complaining.

3:10 PM  
Blogger Donna Lee said...

We have a pretty traditional division of labor. Like you, I like things done a certain way and it doesn't bother me to do them. My husband does the heavy lifting and yucky stuff (and I'm glad he does!) but I have shovelled and cleaned off the cars and mowed the lawn just as he has cooked dinner and done the laundry (although I hate it when he does the laundry, I'm really picky there!). I figure it's nobody's business but ours.

Just wait till the boys are older and you can send them out to shovel.

3:56 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

LOL at those pictures!

I admit that my husband does all the "traditional" men's work around the house - snow shoveling, lawn mowing, etc. He also knows how to cook and do laundry though (his mom taught him). He's actually snaking out the clogged kitchen sink as I write this!

Since he has a really physically demanding job, and works a lot of overtime, I end up doing most of the other stuff around the house though - laundry, cooking, etc. There was a long stretch of years when the kids were little when I was also in college in the evenings and on weekends in addition to working, and he was doing nearly all of the housework, so I don't mind picking up the slack now that he's working 6-7 days a week.

As long as you don't mind shoveling snow, then the downstairs neighbor shouldn't care if you do it. It's your business.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Poops said...

The one that chaps my husband's ass is when he's home with the kids and someone refers to him as "babysitting". He will let them know that you babysit other people's kids. When you watch your own, it's called PARENTING.

Eh, what can you do?

5:12 PM  
Blogger Tactless Wonder said...

I love your sister's answer.

At time like this, I used to just take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and say, "he's got a bad back."

It was just easier to lie than to try to explain (and really? why should you have to!!) that you are not them. Your blue/pink jobs are not colored the same as theirs, so what?!?!

5:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oy! Sooooo what you are trying to tell us is your ARE a liberated woman!! Aaaaaaa! I raised you right!!

Yes, I stayed home with you kids and your father went to work. I did most of the inside work and he did most of the outside work. The key word there is most, it wasn't like I couldn't do the outside work or he couldn't do the inside work that is just how WE did things. When you are use to doing things it is hard NOT to do them. Case in point is my recovery here, I had a very hard time not doing things and letting him do them.

My guess is your neighbor wanted to talk to DR MS.

Love, Mom

5:54 PM  
Blogger Coco, not as in Chanel :) said...

Yeah, if your neighbor is that concerned over supposed male/female jobs/roles, he should have shoveled the driveway, and scraped your windshield for you. Geez.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Crafty Christina said...

Seriously, he shouldn't even care! Me, personally, I hate to shovel, but that has more to do with my hatred of snow than physical labor.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous SiressYorkie said...

Who the flaming hell cares how the work gets done, so long as it does? Yeah, if you were out there barefoot, pregnant, and nursing as you shovelled and a dog was taking a crap right behind the two non-functioning washing machines next to a gutted Toyota Tercel up on blocks, sure, there'd be a case for comment.

But this? I know this guy is Upstairs Neighbour which is probably why you didn't say what you were really thinking. Perhaps saying something about being from Alaska where snow is everyone's business would mean something. Or maybe a random comment about how if you shovel, hubby lets you go out on Fridays looking for sailors...

But in the end, it's nobody's beeswax what the division of labour is in your house. Guy probably wasn't even fully awake yet before his mouth started moving.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Rosi G. said...

I give it to you darling. I only shoveled snow when I was single. Then I got all, "OOOH but it's sooo cold and I'm sooo fragile..." HEE HEE

Quite convenient.

I do understand why you would be upset at that A-hole. Totally ridiculous attitude and I'm surprised he spoke to you like that. I would've flipped out. Again, props to you for not hitting him with the shovel.

And, I still wear the pants in this house tho. HRMPH!

9:08 AM  
Blogger DPUTiger said...

If it works for you and Dr. MS, you're doing it right.

I don't mind doing the bulk of the shoveling around here, but I loathe and detest leaf-raking, so I got cranky when Chris blew off his share this fall.

But really. If it works for you, the neighbor can take a hike.

8:38 PM  
Blogger weezalana said...

I agree, why does he care so much? Next time, maybe you should have a reply ready that will shut him up. Something like..."He's too worn out from the blow job I just gave him."

Or would that be inappropriate?

10:24 PM  

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